Dead Serious
by zashaxander
Summary: "How did it get so late so soon?" - Dr. Seuss
1. Chapter 1

I currently have 5 fics I should be updating:

No Going Back

Letting You In

Lost

Fixing The Mistake

Lady Beckett

Here is number 6...

Disclaimer: Well what do you think?

...

**Dead Serious**

**Chapter 1**

Kate loved to run. The velvety blue of the night sky enveloped her as her feet beat against the hard tarmac; she followed the white lines down the centre of the road. The mugger didn't stand a chance. She was gaining on him fast and he was flagging, too. She didn't blame him. No one had her stamina.

The take down was ridiculously easy, too. He was hers in seconds; she liked to get on with things. When she was satisfied he would never hurt or steal again, she cleaned him up a bit and dropped him off outside the ER. He would be fine. More was the pity. She set off home, if you could call it that. Dawn was coming soon; her night of 'crime-fighting' was over and she could feel the need for sleep creeping through her body.

She reached the dingy basement where she lived and undressed, taking a quick shower before collapsing into bed in a death-like slumber. It could have been worse. A lot worse. She had decorated it well, and though it couldn't be called nice, it was at least a little better than bearable.

…

Rick resisted the temptation to throw his laptop at the wall. Though the launch party had been a success, Gina's patronising words were eating at his tired brain. Derrick Storm was dead, his new book was due, and he had no idea what to write.

A tousled red head peeped around the door of his office.

"Hey, Lex," he sighed.

"Hi Dad," his daughter said, wandering in.

"Can't you sleep either?" he asked her as she perched herself on the edge of his desk.

"It's morning, Dad. I have school."

"Morning?" Maybe he'd had a bit to much to drink.

"You should sleep, Dad. Don't listen to Gina. And you never know – you might dream up an idea."

"Maybe," Rick said, but he didn't think it was even remotely possible. He was beginning to fear, despite his bravado, that he really might have nothing left in him. He managed a smile for Alexis and got up to give her a hug.

"Alright. I'll go to bed. Goodnight, sweetie."

Alexis laughed. "Good morning."

"Have a good day."

"Thanks." She watched her father retreat into his bedroom and hoped he would actually sleep. He had become almost nocturnal.

…

Kate stirred in her sleep, and after a few moments, opened her shining eyes. Her throat was dry and aching; she put it out of her mind and got up, rolling her shoulders. She reached up for the bar in the door frame of her bedroom and did fifty chin ups at top speed – her favourite way to wake herself up and prepare for a night of working. She got dressed, choosing from a closet full of tight fitting dark clothes. She eyed her heels longingly, they so rarely got any outings, but slipped her feet into her running shoes.

She glanced around her apartment and raked a hand through her hair. She licked her lips, but bit her tongue when she caught herself doing it. Control, Beckett. Control.

She leapt up the stairs three at a time, her energy bubbling up as she forgot about her thirst. She grinned when she got outside, her teeth reflecting the bright white moonlight. She began to run almost immediately, her muscles buzzing happily with the exercise. Her hair whipped back behind her as she shot along the road, so fast anyone still out hardly noticed her. They were all preoccupied – it wasn't a neighbourhood where being out after dark was a good idea.

Dangerous things lurked in the shadows.

Dangerous things like Kate.

New York didn't really sleep, but most of its inhabitants did vacate Kate's playground at some point. The ones that remained were usually wise enough not to interfere with her.

Her run took her to central park and she zipped into the trees, dodging in and out of them, blissfully alone. She listened carefully, catching snippets of conversations, mostly drug deals, one couple going at it al fresco style... She chuckled. She hoped their enjoyment was worth the risk. And then-

_Put it down, Tommy, you don't know what you're doing._

_DON'T tell me what to do, Jared! I'm not a child any more._

_Shut up. _A click. _I'm serious Tommy, drop it or you're-_

"Everything alright here, boys?"

Tommy and Jared started at her, their guns hanging limply in their hands. Kate neatly collected the weapons as they stared. She looked Tommy straight in the eye.

"I think you should go home. It's past your bedtime."

Tommy disappeared immediately. Jared was left standing there, hypnotised by her. She caught his gaze, touching his chin with the tip of her finger.

"Were you going to kill him?" she asked, tipping her head to one side.

"Probably," Jared breathed.

"Have you ever killed before?"

"Yes..."

"Why?"

"Money. And once I just got angry. It was her fault, really."

Kate nodded. "Of course," she murmured, keeping her eyes locked with his. Her throat had been burning for long enough.

Jared set off for the police station with a smile on his face – he would finally be relieved of all that guilt. Kate resisted the urge to growl at him. And then she resisted the urge to chase after him and try to rip his head off.

She shook with the effort to control herself, but soon enough he was gone and she could tear herself away. She ran even faster now the dry ache in her throat had been soothed. She found an all night store and bought a bottle of water to rinse out her mouth, and a pack of chewing gum. There were some tastes she didn't want to hold on to.

She set off moving again, pushing herself as hard as she could, to the limit she rarely even found.

Until she felt his pull. She gritted her teeth and tried with all her strength to run in the opposite direction but it was pointless. She felt her body turning; she could hardly even slow it down as it travelled in his direction.

…

A late dinner. He could do that for her. Alexis had called to say she was going to a study group with some friends, but she would be back about nine, and she wouldn't eat, so they could eat together. Rick liked cooking.

He sliced the meat into thin strips for a stir fry, blood seeping out of it onto his fingers. It didn't bother him particularly, but it wasn't the most pleasant of sights. He chopped the vegetables and root ginger on a different board with a different knife, then checked the time – it wouldn't take long to cook. The rice was already on the boil, the table was laid for two... He hoped Alexis would like it.

He felt guilty... He knew she was worried about him. He would have to do better. After all, even if he didn't ever write another book, it wasn't as if they were about to run out of money. He might be a little childish sometimes, but he had a lot stashed away or invested... enough to keep Alexis comfortable for her entire life, let alone keeping him wealthy.

But he missed writing. He missed the energy, the buzz, the magic of it. And yet... he just didn't seem to have anything to say. Five to nine. He turned on the heat under the wok and after a moment, tipped everything in, stirring carefully as the enticing smells wafted into his nostrils. He heard the elevator doors ping and smiled. Right on time.

Alexis came in with a big smile on her face, which only widened when she saw the table and her father in the kitchen.

"It smells amazing," she said appreciatively, hanging up her bag and jacket before fetching two glasses and filling them with bottled water.

"Did you have a good day?" he asked, tipping the now cooked stir fry into a preheated dish.

"Great, thanks. School was fine, and the study group was interesting."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"What about you?"

"I was asleep for most of it. But yes. It's been fine. Your grandmother said she was sorry she couldn't be here but she had a... thing."

"A night out with her acting friends. I know."

"She tells you more than she tells me."

"I'm the one she has to get permission from. She'll be in by one."

Rick had to laugh. Alexis made such an adorable parent to them. They talked happily all the way through dinner, and two generous helpings of chocolate ice cream. They washed up together, and then Alexis said sadly that she would have to go to bed. She grinned at her father, though. She knew he had made a real effort for her and she loved him for it.

Rick wiped his hands on the dish towel and wondered what to do next. The apartment was clean, he didn't feel like video games or television... What he really felt like was a woman. He could go to his favourite upmarket bar and have three to choose from with in minutes. But that kind of shallow existence... that was the sort of thing he wanted to work on. It wasn't that he was always having one night stands. But he'd had his fair share, and though he didn't feel at the time that he was being emotionally affected... he wasn't getting any younger, and even after two failed marriages, he still hoped for something more. Something more serious.

He ended up getting his jacket and keys anyway. He contemplated the fob for the Ferrari, but in the end decided to walk. He could do with the fresh air. He left a note for Alexis in case she came downstairs again, then left the apartment.

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I hope you like it! Please review. X


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Kate was pulled into a far more upmarket area than she would ever have chosen to be. She resisted with every step but there was nothing she could do. She might be ridiculously strong, ridiculously fast, but no one was invincible.

He was a regular reminder that she could not win every fight.

He lived in a 5 star penthouse, even though he couldn't sleep there. It wasn't really an issue – he owned the whole building. Kate stopped a few feet from him, finally close enough that the tearing pull on her body ended.

"Hello, Kate."

"Bracken."

"Call me William."

"William," she choked out. He smiled. If it had been physically possible she would have been sick. He reached out to touch her cheek. She shuddered. She wished she were dead.

More dead.

She stayed quiet. She knew he wanted her to ask him what he wanted. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. He got only what she had no control over.

"How have you been?"

She stayed silent.

"Answer, Kate."

"Fine."

"Fine..?"

"Fine, thank you."

He sucked the words from her, just as he had sucked her dry nine years ago, just as he would continue to do, whenever he wanted, until one day she would catch him unawares and drive a stake through his heart. Even considering the idea was absurd. She would never manage it. Even if by some miracle she got close enough without him noticing, he could simply order her not to kill him.

And that wasn't even the worst part. A part of her... A part of her didn't want to kill him. Again. A part of her felt sorry for him, because someone had done this to him too – how he was wasn't his fault. She could understand his loneliness, his wish for a companion. And the murderous aspect... She had a feeling the transformation she had undergone had affected her brain too.

She wasn't a different person. But her moral compass was a little... off. She had to correct it with memories, what she knew was right, what her mother would have done-

Her mother. That brought the hatred back immediately. She couldn't believe she had been feeling something like sympathy for this murderer. Because he was a murderer, and nothing more.

So was she.

Perhaps she deserved no better than him. She couldn't get away from the idea that perhaps she let him control her – that there should be some way she could stop him from making her do all the things he made her do. From any perspective but her own, the crimes she had committed, the lives he had forced her to take, were hers, not his. She had killed. Many times. The fact that she hadn't been in control of her own body at the time she saw as somehow her fault – and following that, the crimes were her responsibility too.

She would carry the guilt with her forever.

Forever, until she killed him, then finally ended her own 'life'.

His gaze suddenly forced her to her knees in front of him.

"Feeling murderous?"

It was worse when she was closer to him. He was always aware of her, she was sure – he hadn't told her exactly how it worked. But when she was close he could tell what she was feeling. It worked both ways... She could feel him too, his sick, violent mind throbbing away inside her own.

"Always," she answered, staring at his feet. He forced her head up with just his mind. He was old, so old, and so powerful.

"I forbid you to kill me. Or yourself," he added with a small smile. "You should be thankful. I gave you life, true life. Many would love your existence."

_Not all of it_, she thought hard, hoping he would catch her derision without her having to speak. It was rash... She felt his lust wash over her. And the worst part was, it washed into her too. She hated him with every fibre of her body, ever polluted, corrupted cell. But she wanted this. Her self loathing only multiplied as he allowed her to stand and gently kissed her cheek.

"I'm going away for a while," he told her afterwards; she lay perfectly still on the comfortable bed. She didn't need to breathe or fidget; she kept her eyes closed and tried to shut off all of her senses.

"This has been a hard decision... But I have to leave. The length of the while... Has to be several lifetimes. And much as I would like to take you with me... You may not believe me, but I never wanted to hurt you, Kate."

He was right. She didn't believe him.

"I didn't. I... I did what I had to."

He actually sounded as if he was feeling some emotion. Kate hadn't thought this was even possible.

"But I know you hate me and I... it would still be pointless to try to kill me. Or yourself. Do not harm yourself. But... I release you."

Kate was out of the bed like a shot, her clothes were on and she was out of the room and the building and the area before... before anything. Before she could do something stupid. Before he could change his mind.

Could he even change his mind? She searched her own and found... nothing. Not a trace of him, not a trace of his influence. He was _gone_.

Nine years of being a slave, a slave to his every whim and desire, and now...

She stopped running. She had no idea where she was. Still somewhere affluent, with nice bars and an expensive looking club. There were a few people milling about in the street. She realised she wasn't really dressed right, but damn, she needed a drink.

She slipped into an alleyway and took off her pants, using her clever, strong fingers to rip them into shorts. Her tight shirt lost its sleeves and a large section of the neckline; she tore it into a low V. She put the clothes back on, tucking the shirt back in. She took off her socks, but her black sneakers would have to do. She examined her wobbly reflection in a car window. Her lean, nineteen year old body was shown off beautifully in her 'new' outfit; her pale creamy skin smooth and flawless, her long legs already attracting the attention of passers by.

She was free. She couldn't believe it, it hardly felt possible. But at the same time, just as she had always felt his presence, his absence was there in her mind, an empty space that new emotions could fill. She could be so much stronger without him. She realised she could end it, if she wanted. He no longer had any control, his orders meant nothing. She experimented, digging a fingernail into her arm. A drop of blood appeared and she watched as the small cut healed over again.

She didn't want this to be it. She wanted more. Good things. Fun things. She wanted to enjoy her freedom.

She didn't even need to hypnotise the bouncer, he was more than happy to let her in. She disapproved. She was only nineteen! Her ID saying she was twenty-eight was completely unbelievable now. She tried to keep calm. Despite her freedom, it wasn't difficult to dull her mood with thoughts of her creator – especially because of their activities over the last couple of hours.

It wasn't rape. Anyway, he had already murdered her. What more could he have done?

And he was leaving the country. She realised he had probably released her because he was in trouble with their kind and didn't want her to be involved. She very much hoped so. She hoped they killed him. She wondered if she would at least get to feel it.

She wished she could forget him but still he weighed down on her. She watched the humans get drunk. She didn't think any of them deserved what she was going to do, but she would find one who was too drunk to notice, and could give them a happy memory of their choosing.

She sat down at the bar and ordered a whisky.

"I'll get that for you," said a voice. She turned to find a ruggedly handsome, blue eyed man. He looked miserable – but absolutely fascinated by her. He was perceptive, he had seen some difference... He probably wasn't even aware that he'd noticed anything. He just thought he was attracted to her.

And yet his body language suggested he didn't plan to do anything. Kate realised she was far too young for him. In real years, not. But in looks... definitely.

"Thank you," she said, allowing him to pay for her drink – or rather, add it to his tab.

"Yes, Mr Castle," the barman said. Kate blinked and held out her hand.

"Kate," she said, feeling the warmth of his skin and his delicious pulse as he shook it with his.

"Rick," he said, her skin wonderfully cool against his; he wished he didn't have to let her hand go. She was breathtaking. Far too young, of course, but there was no crime in looking – her outfit _invited _him to look. Her could of wavy, dark hair bounced on her shoulders as she ignored her drink and watched him sit down beside her.

"Richard Castle?" she asked, her tone only mildly hinting at her surprise, though inside she was close to a screaming wreck of a fan.

"That's me."

"The writer?"

He chuckled. "And here I was thinking my fans were all middle aged women."

Kate smiled. "I don't think I'm middle aged. I am a woman, though."

_Hardly_, Rick thought sadly. Her expression seemed older. He told himself it seemed older. He downed his own whisky in one and ordered another. Kate slid hers towards him too.

"Why get a drink if you don't want it?" he asked.

"To have a reason to sit here," she said, watching him as he swallowed down more of the alcohol. But she couldn't. Not him. He had a daughter. Not that she would hurt him, but-

"I think you've had enough," she said gently. She didn't even hypnotise him. Well, perhaps her outfit had done that already, but she didn't use any power other than her body. "I'll walk you home."

He nodded. He would have nodded if she'd told him she was going to saw his arm off.

He wasn't really drunk. The walk through the cool night was fairly pleasant, though not far enough for Kate's liking. She delivered him at his door. He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek; she felt weak at the knees. She told herself that was just her inner fangirl. But...

He went inside, smiling. She leaned against the wall and sighed. He might be feeling better, but now she felt miserable. And she still hadn't had her drink.

She felt lonely, too. Lonely and used and angry. She was finally free, yet she hadn't killed him. She might have had a chance. He would be long gone now. It could be hundreds of years before she had an opportunity like that again. She roared as she charged out into the road, running to get out of the city as fast as possible. She made it to an area of woodland by a lake. She grabbed hold of a tree, her fingers digging into the bark as easily as if it were butter. She gave it a tug and pulled it right out of the ground.

She was a tornado, tearing at trees and plants and the ground, whirling and attacking, leaving havoc in her wake.

She dived into the water to clean up – and to calm down. She stayed under for almost an hour, swimming up and down, trying to tire herself out.

She still hadn't eaten since Jared.

It was enough. She didn't need more tonight, not really. She could feel dawn coming. The sun would be up in an hour. She climbed out of the lake and began to run home, her speed air drying her hair and clothes. She got back about half an hour before she would be out for the day; she went to her fridge and opened a blood pack. She wouldn't be in control when she woke up, otherwise. She drained it in seconds. She wanted more, but she always did.

She took a shower, scrubbing at her body under the burning hot water which had no effect on her whatsoever. Her favourite cherry body wash still didn't make her feel clean. She could feel her eyelids growing heavy. The sun was rising. She shut off the water and just had time to dry herself, pull on a t-shirt and get into bed before she lost consciousness.

* * *

Thanks for reading and for all the alerts I got even in the first few hours this has been up - please continue to let me know what you think! X


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Rick had been typing frantically for hours. A mysterious, haunted girl with hypnotic eyes and ghostly white skin. So much pain... She must have had a horrific past. Perhaps not even twenty years old... She had seen far too much for one so young.

She was the perfect main character. Flawed but spectacular, beautiful and brilliant, fighting crime and catching killers. He was still writing at dawn; thousands of words were now saved on his laptop, some brainstorming, but he had actually drafted more than one chapter. He hadn't been this inspired since... Ever. He heard Alexis' alarm beeping upstairs and ended the sentence he had been writing. He knew from experience that the ideas would remain in his head until he wrote them, and he needed to see his daughter. He hurried to the kitchen, knowing it would be exactly twenty minutes before she came downstairs ready to make herself breakfast.

He began to make up the mixture for pancakes; he had a good heap of them when his daughter appeared. He had also prepared a dish of strawberries, and placed the ready whip in front of her. She stared at him as she speared a pancake with a fork.

"You're... you!" she said to him, suddenly grinning as she caught the twinkle in his eyes, something he couldn't fake. "You're writing again."

"Yes!" he said, hardly able to contain his excitement. "I went out last night... I was said, feeling like a failure, wishing I had something to write about... I ended up in some high end night club and then this girl walked in. Nothing happened," he added hastily, seeing the look on Alexis' face. "I just... after seeing her I had an idea, and another, and then they just started snowballing – now I feel as if I have enough for a whole _series _of novels!"

Alexis smiled. "That's great, Dad. Really great."

"I think so too. I'm sorry I've been so-"

"Don't be," Alexis interrupted. "I understand – and the main thing is, you're writing again. And anyway, you weren't that bad – we still had a lot of fun."

"I'm glad you think so."

"It's true! We've had some of our best laser tag games in the last few weeks."

Rick helped himself to a pancake and piled it high with strawberries and cream. "Good point. I wonder... How would I get to see her again?"

"I thought you said you had enough inspiration for a series already?" Alexis asked with a knowing smile. Rick made a face at her. She chuckled. "Go back to where you met her before. If she wants to see you again, she'll do that too."

Rick smiled. "I think I might have to. Do you-"

"I don't mind, Dad. You've been _married _to a woman who isn't my mother. I get it."

Rick put his arm around her. "Thanks, pumpkin."

"No problem."

Alexis returned his hug, then said she had to go brush her teeth and leave for school. Rick just managed to clean up the kitchen after she left before he staggered to his bedroom and fell asleep completely exhausted.

…

Kate sat bolt upright. Something was wrong. She didn't know what, she just knew that something was off, unusual, felt different... And then she realised. She was alone in her mind. There was no maker, no master, no captor. She was her own.

And she didn't know what to do.

She had hated herself, her existence, since the day she entered it. She had longed to die, to truly die, to be at peace, to end her guilt and suffering... But now that she was finally free to end her own life, she somehow... couldn't. She didn't know why. Perhaps she was afraid, afraid of death. Perhaps she had become used to this life of slaughter.

Or perhaps, most terrifying of all... She had become reliant on the monster who had abused her. She didn't know which was worse. Accepting that he had forced himself on her, raped her, compelled her to be his in every possible manner – or deciding that while he had hurt her, she had also... needed him.

No! She didn't need him. She was free, now, and she would be fine.

He had forced her to kill. He had forced her to torture. He had forced her to act as something between his lover, his slave, and his child. She hated him. She hated him even more than she hated herself.

Yet given the opportunity, she hadn't even tried to end his repulsive 'life'. He hadn't just hurt her. He had hurt, and killed, hundreds. Yet she hadn't stopped him. She hadn't even tried. She had just run.

Running never helped anyone. No human could run from her. And she could not run from him. Despite their severed bond, if he wanted her he would always be able to find her, and he would always be stronger, able to overpower her, until she staked him to dust.

She brought her knees up under her chin and wrapped her arms around them. If she had been able to cry she would have. Instead, she shook, alone in the darkness, desolate and afraid.

She allowed herself ten minutes before she got up off her bed and got into the shower. She needed one. She turned the temperature to maximum and desperately tried to scrub all trace of him out of her. But it was no good. His blood filled her, his blood had created her. She would never truly rid herself of him.

When she finally gave up and turned off the water, she realised the burning sensation she felt had not been from the shower – it was her thirst. Her whole body ached with it; she was starving. And his scent... Castle's scent... she groaned. She needed him, and not just to drink. She needed someone good, someone good to erase the evil, someone loving and kind and sweet.

She knew he would taste wonderful. Like... she tried to remember her favourite foods from when she was a human. Chinese take out. Popcorn. Apples. Chocolate. Pizza. Beer. Wine... He would taste like red wine, rich and fruity, dark and delicious. Her pupils dilated as she thought about it; she dressed in a trance; the tiny pink dress she put on hugged her lean, elegant figure. She picked out her favourite black stilettos and hooked them onto her wrist. She would run barefoot and put them on when she got there. She would go back to the club...

Her run did nothing to calm her. She reached the club in about ten minutes; she had never measured how fast she could travel but it was something absurd, she was sure. She put on her shoes and walked neatly up to the bouncer, who let her in without a second glance – or rather, he did have a second glance, but it was after he had let her in, and it was at her behind.

He was there already. She took a deep breath, a reaction leftover from her human life – but it was a bad idea, since it meant she sucked in a whole chestful of his wonderful odour. She licked her lips absent mindedly and felt her teeth extend. The ache in her mouth brought her back to reality and she put her hand to her mouth in horror. She had just been planning to rape and attack an innocent man... Well, not so innocent, she thought wickedly, wondering what he had done to women in the past... But that wasn't the point! She was a fan of his! She couldn't hurt him.

She turned to leave, but it was too late. She felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Kate?"

It was him. She turned back to face him.

"Rick," she said softly. "It's... divine, to see you again."

Rick smiled a little nervously at her extreme word choice. "It's, uh, divine to see you too," he said, his eyes trailing down to the hem of her dress and beyond. "You look..." _delicious, _his brain supplied. He wanted to kick himself. "Beautiful," he stammered.

Kate smiled, but kept her mouth closed. Her fangs were fully out now, there was no way to hide them. When Rick linked his arm through hers to lead her to a quiet booth she had to resist the strong urge to bite her lip, something she did rather too often.

"How are you?" he asked once she was seated.

"I'm well, thank you," she said, trying not to open her mouth too much. "How are you?"

"Good... I... Well, don't tell anyone, but I've been having a bit of writer's block – but last night after I got home I finally managed to write again, and now I know where I'm going with the next few books, let alone the one that's due."

"That's wonderful," Kate said with another controlled smile.

"It's down to you, actually. Seeing you last night... inspired me."

Kate chuckled involuntarily. It was so... so unfair. She wished she were human, wished more than anything... But she wasn't. Her desire to lunge across the table and sink her teeth into his lovely throat was a clear reminder of this. She chuckled again. Maybe it wasn't, really. If she were human all she would do would be kiss... but still.

"Why was I so inspiring?" she asked.

"Because... you're so sad. And such a mystery. So damaged and yet so strong. So young and yet somehow much older. So beautiful... and yet somehow different."

Now she _really _wanted to kiss him.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"Always," he replied. "And... do you want to talk about it?"

Kate just managed not to bite her lip, again. "I... Do you mind if I do?"

"I'd love for you to. And you never know, maybe I can help."

"Okay... I was in... a bad relationship," she said eventually. "It ended last night."

"How long had you been in it for?"

"Nine years," she said without thinking.

"Wait... nine years?" he asked, shocked. "How old are you? I mean, sorry, I... But you look barely 21. That would mean it started when you were 12."

Kate smiled. "Don't worry about it. I'm 28."

Rick stared at her. "No you're not."

Kate looked him right in the eye, not to hypnotise, but to show him her honesty. "Yes, I am. I'll be 29 in November."

He continued to stare, then stopped abruptly, as if deciding he could do nothing but take her at her word.

"So... you broke up with him last night?"

Kate paused. "Yes," she said for simplicity's sake. But she changed her mind. Something about Rick made her want to be more open. "I mean... I've hated him for along time. But there was no way out for me. Last night he told me that he was leaving, and finally... I'm free."

"That sounds... strange. Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm better than I've been in years," she said truthfully. He frowned.

"Must have been some pretty bad years."

"Thanks," she said sarcastically. He reddened.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean... you just look sad. Preoccupied. That's all."

Kate patted him on the shoulder. "I know. I'm just teasing."

"Right, of course, yeah... Sorry, you just make me a bit..."

"Nervous," Kate finished for him. She could taste him in the air when she breathed in to speak.

They continued to talk. He began telling her about entertaining things he had done in his youth. She enjoyed this immensely, and all she had to do was listen and laugh. He loved being the storyteller, it was obvious, and great, because he was fantastic at it. It got later and later; the club emptied and Kate saw the bouncer approaching, ready to tell them to leave. She noticed Rick hadn't had a single drink. She hadn't either, of course, though he had offered several times to buy her one.

They left together and she walked beside him into the cool night, going with him as he walked towards a row of parked cars. She saw the lights flash on an exquisite red Ferrari and if her heart had been able to beat it would have begun to race. She grinned at Rick; her fangs had finally retracted enough for her to open her mouth properly.

"It's yours?" she asked, her eyes lighting up.

He grinned back at her. "Yep. You want to come for a ride?"

"Can... Can I drive?" she asked. "Please?"

Rick was about to hand her the keys when he paused. "Do you have a licence?" he asked.

She whipped a hand somewhere too quickly for him to see, and showed him the card. It was unmistakeably her in the picture – and it confirmed that she was 28. He gave it back, along with the keys. She winked.

"Better buckle up," she told him as he got in and she walked around to the driver's side. She shook her head a little as she slid into the seat. Whatever happened, this would be a night to remember.

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Thanks for reading, hope you liked it, please review! X


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey guys! I have been on holiday all this week, hence the lack of updates, but I wrote this chapter on my phone in my spare moments so here you go! Apologies for any typos or autocorrect mistakes; lots love, Z xxx

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The Ferrari moved beneath her like a purring animal, full of power, but obedient and under her control. Kate's eyes flashed with inhuman brightness as she revved the engine, then shifted gears manually, the car becoming a streak of polished read and white headlights along the dark street. Rick had barely finished clipping in his seatbelt; he felt himself being pressed back against the leather if his chair with the speed of Kate's driving and he grinned with excitement and anticipation. She was WILD. He loved it.

"Where are we going?" he asked, though he didn't really care.

"Somewhere where I can show you what this baby can really do," Kate said happily.

"You like cars, then?" Rick asked after another exhilarating corner. Kate turned to wink at him, making him feel slightly queasy, since she was still hitting nearly 100mph.

"Actually I'm more of a bike girl," she said, thinking of her Harley, shut up in the storage unit with everything else from her human life that she hadn't wanted to corrupt. She wondered why she had mentioned it... Rick made her feel so at ease, she would have to be careful not to let anything damaging slip out.

"You seem to be doing fairly well with the car nonetheless," Rick replied. Kate smiled and returned her eyes to the road. There wasn't much she didn't take to, not any more. Her brain had far more capacity - it wasn't just her body that was stronger. She had learned to do so much since she'd been turned, from playing guitar to gymnastics to ballet to chemistry. Internet videos were hugely helpful and interesting.

Driving fast cars well was something she hadn't even had to read or watch anything about - her lighting quick reflexes and hypersensitive senses meant being an excellent driver came completely naturally to her, if anything about her existence could be called natural.

"I've never found driving difficult," Kate offered as some kind of answer. Rick sensed that she was thinking something else, but didn't comment. Experience had taught him that all women had their secrets and prying never did anyone any good.

A lot of experience. In all honesty he was surprised her managed not to ask her what was on her mind. However, he was helped by the arrival of another, scarier question in his mind.

"Kate..?"

Kate looked over at him; again, this was rather unnerving as she navigated the road barely glancing ahead of her.

"Yes?" she replied, a smile teasing at her lips.

"Where are we?" Rick asked. Kate's smile became much more pronounced.

She had turned down a narrow, pitch black alleyway in an area of derelict office buildings and warehouses. She stayed silent as she turned a corner and entered a disused multi-storey car park, somehow avoiding the barrier across the entrance.

She changed into the fastest gear and Rick gulped as he saw her muscular leg flex, pushing the had pedal right onto the floor. He cling to the edges of his seat as the Ferrari surged forward; he had to hold in a girlish scream when Kate did a handbrake turn at the last possible second, narrowly avoiding a disastrous crash into the car park wall. The roar of the engine echoed spectacularly in the empty space and the car only seemed to accelerate as they hurtled along, spiralling up the ramps and climbing higher and higher. Kate did a few more adventurous turns, at one point forcing the back and of the car round in a figure of eight, listening to the screech of the tyres and smelling the burning rubber as she watched Rick's face drain of colour until it was almost as white as hers. She scaled the car higher and Rick began to enjoy himself a little more; his shoulders loosened and he relaxed his grip on the edge of the seat.

They were approaching the top of the structure now and Rick's breathing had steadied enough for him to speak.

"Okay, I am officially impressed," he said to Kate, grinning. Kate grinned back.

"You'll be even more impressed in a moment," she told him. He began to feel slightly nervous again. They were on the top level now and Kate wasn't slowing down at all; the car was shooting towards the aide of the building for all the world as if she planned-

"You're not going to-?" he gasped as the car lurched off the building and into the night sky, sailing through the air and into oblivion. Rich was pretty sure they'd left his stomach on top of the multi-storey.

They landed with a bump on the roof of the neighbouring building and Kate slammed on the brakes, bringing then to a complete stop in a few feet. Rick finally remembered to breathe again.

"Wow..." he said faintly, feeling lucky to be alive.

"You should see what I can do on my Harley," she told him with a wink.

"Maybe another time," he stammered as he clambered out of the car. When he had calmed down a little he realised large flaw in Kate's trick.

"How are we going to get the car down again?" he asked. Of course, Kate knew exactly how she could get the car down again but she couldn't tell Rick. He would be terrified, he would never want to see her again... She wished there were a way to be honest with him. She even considered telling him and then hypnotising him to forget. She wanted there to be someone in the world who would accept her for who she was, someone who wouldn't judge her, someone who might even love her...

Bracken had said that this was impossible. She would only be loved by their kind now - but to Kate this was meaningless. She despised everything she was, she hated others of her species almost as much as she hated herself.

She could hear his voice in her head, saying what he always said when she insisted she could be more in touch with her human self, when she tried to persuade him to let her live an ordinary life, live among humans.

"You'll only cause more pain - it would be like a lion trying to make love to a lamb."

He had laughed that patronising sarcastic laugh he had for this kind of situation.

"It's not about making love," Kate had said.

"I know," he had replied. "If it were I would not be worried. It's about FEELING love. Love is not an emotion you can have any more. Even if you think you have it, you ate simply mistaken. The chance if finding a human willing to accept you without hypnotising them is close enough to impossible as it is. But even if you found such a freak of nature, you would never be able to love them. Your heart no longer beats, Kate. Your soul is gone, your spirit is as black as the night in which you now reside. You CANNOT LOVE. So do not try."

Kate didn't believe him. She hasn't then and she didn't now. She could love. But... He was right about the rest, about humans not loving her.

"What is it?" Rick asked, brought back from planning ways to get his car down to earth by the look on her face.

"Oh, nothing," Kate said, fixing her expression.

"That wasn't nothing," Rick said, keeping his eyes firmly on her. If she'd had a soul they would have cut right through to it. Kate bit her lip, her sharp teeth biting down so hard she almost drew blood - or whatever it was she had inside her now.

"You should go home," she said eventually.

"Not a chance," Rick replied. "You give me one of the most terrifying, exciting experiences of my entire life, then a moment later you coldly tell me that I should leave? For my car if for nothing else, I'm not going anywhere."

They were on the edge of the roof, staring out at the beauty that was New York City at night.

"Get back in the car," Kate said. Rick looked over at the car park and his eyes widened. Kate looked around for something she could use as a ramp... She wasn't entirely confident that this would work.

"Just hypnotise him," she could hear Bracken saying. "Just lift up the car and fly it down, then make him forget any of it ever happened."

She didn't even know why she didn't. She just... Didn't. She wasn't going to hypnotise him. This head... This mind, she couldn't mess with it. Something about him was special, and it wasn't just that he was her favourite writer. She knew from reading up on him online that he said he was very keen to keep an open mind when it came to the existence of supernatural creatures. The existence, yes. But befriending one? Loving one?

And here she was at love again, though she barely knew the man. Even if he didn't run away screaming when he found out what she was, why should he be burdened with her? She had done terrible things, and she was also... Damaged. She got back into the car, gracefully as always, though if her movements had matched her mood she would have flopped down with a thump.

She didn't have to tell Rick to belt up, though he was horrified when she didn't. She was keeping a better hold on her face now - the dead thing made it relatively easy to keep her expression stony.

She would have to do a few laps of the building to accelerate. If the worst came to the worst she could get a hold on the seat and fly it from the inside; her only worry about that was that the seat might come off. Cars were heavy things. She hoped she could get it back on the car park without anything... Special. She was beginning to take the special stuff for granted though - a few years ago she would have seen straight away that she couldn't do the jump with Rick there because she had no idea whether she could get the Ferrari back over again just by driving. But this time she hadn't actually thought of it.

Maybe she was getting complacent. Maybe she was just tired of hiding pretty much everything about herself. She was damn thirsty, too, and the distraction was not helpful. She slammed down the gas pedal and hoped for the best. She knew she had about as much luck as an open umbrella under a ladder, but maybe Rick was luckier.

She did a few laps of the roof, getting up a good speed and preparing to make the jump. It might work. The calculations that flashed through her head told her that it was at least scientifically possible for them to land safely on the other side. Of course, Kate herself was not actually scientifically possible, which lessened her faith in the mathematics somewhat.

Since the car park was higher than the building they were now on, Kate was aiming for a lower level - which made sense, but meant her aim and their speed had to be perfect. If she took it too fast, they'd make it across alright, but they'd also smash into hard concrete and Rick would almost certainly die - something Kate always did her best to avoid, at least on the first date.

They plunged into nothingness for the second time that night, and after an agonising few moments, landed neatly inside the multi-storey. Kate would have sighed with relief if she'd been breathing. She thought Rick looked as if he was about to either cry or wet himself. She didn't know which she would find more uncomfortable.

She drove slowly down to ground level and brought the car to a stop. To her surprise, as soon as they'd stopped moving Rick lunged across the car and she felt his hot, passionate lips on hers. She kept her mouth closed only because her fangs had popped out - now SHE wanted to cry. She didn't pull away though. Her lightning quick brain could fit a lot of thoughts into a very short time, and right now it was whirring away at top speed. More than anything in the world she wanted to kiss him back, slam him back into his own seat, straddle him and- A close second to that desire was sinking her teeth into his neck and sucking out some of his delectable blood. The third, most sensible part of her mind wanted to shove him away, jump out of the car, and not stop running until she was too far away to even remember what he smelled like.

She chose option 4. No plan. She wriggled a little and Rick let go of her, sitting up and adjusting his shirt.

"Sorry," he said hurriedly. "Got a little... Carried away. You're amazing!"

Kate smiled, willing her fangs to retract so she could open her mouth. She decided to chance it, speaking normally and just hoping he wouldn't notice.

"Don't apologise. That was some kiss. I just... I'm not ready for that yet."

Rick wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I get it," he said. "Well, I mean, not exactly. But I know I'm very forward and you're very young-"

"I'm not very young!"

He looked at her. "Kate, you're never as old as it says on your licence."

Kate groaned inwardly. "Don't underestimate me," she warned him.

"Oh, I'm not. I have a teenage daughter and I know young girls are more than a force to be reckoned with. I'm just so sorry I was all over you like that."

"I'm not," Kate said stubbornly. Rick looked surprised.

"You didn't really seem to be enjoying it," he said, feeling incredibly awkward. Kate would have blushed if it had been biologically possible. She was getting dangerously close to just going for him and he wasn't helping the matter by bring so darn CUTE. She got out of the car and slammed the door behind her a little too forcefully. He got out too and walked around to her side.

"I'm sorry. Again," he said. "I didn't mean to call you young or immature, I just... Don't really know what the deal is. I know you're different, Kate. I don't know in what way or what that difference might mean in terms if a relationship, but you should know that I am a very open minded person, and also, I think you are crazy hot."

Kate had to smile. His face, his eyes, his chuckle, his embarrassment... The pulsing vein in his neck...

He was taller than her despite her heels, which couldn't be said for many men. He stepped into her, pinning her against the car.

"You're in charge, Kate," he murmured. "But if you keep looking at me like that much longer I won't be able to control my actions."

Kate continued to smoulder at him. "Maybe I don't want you to," she murmured back.

His knees pushed her legs apart so he could press their bodies more tightly together, his mouth found hers and this time she was powerless to hold herself back. She knew it was stupid, she was sure she would regret it, but right now she could think of nothing else in the world she would rather be doing, and she felt more human than she had done in nine years. She could almost feel her heart racing, she almost needed the air she gasped for. Her hands gripped Rick far too tightly, she felt him wince but he said nothing, only kissed her harder. Her dress was pushed up almost to her hips and the bulge in his designer jeans pushed against her black lacy panties. This relationship was about to progress much faster than she'd expected.

And then it hit her. The bloodlust, the disgusting, monstrous urge that she couldn't control, the feeling that reminded her beyond any doubt that she was far, far away from being human. All ideas of love were forgotten, all compassion, all hope for something more. She was nothing but a dreadful, violent creature, motivated by a thirst so powerful she wanted to growl and spit and scream.

She forced Rick off her with a hiss through her long razor sharp fangs, using her fiercely strong arms to bare his neck ready to FINALLY have the drink she had already waited so long for. She opened her mouth; Rick still didn't know what was going on, all he could think was that it was fucking HOT.

"Do it."

The gleeful mutter in the back of her mind brought Kate back into the moment with a horrifying shudder. She let Rick go immediately and her fangs slid back out of view; her eyes burning, she dashed about a hundred yards away then braced herself against a building, supporting herself on her arms as she stared at the ground, examining every piece of grit in detail and noting how infinitely superior every grain if dirt was to her.

She felt him come up behind her, heard his footsteps and irregular breathing as he tried to return to a less lustful mood. She could even her the friction in his pants. She didn't move; she had no need to fidget and could stay in exactly the same position all night if she had nothing better to do. He approached her as one would a wild animal, cautious but determined. She let him, knowing running away again would only hurt him, praying she would have the strength not to go for him again.

Bracken had delighted in explaining to her the weakness of the young of their kind; he had told her it would be fifty to a hundred years before she had the control to be reliably safe around humans, and even then there would still be a risk.

She felt him tugging on her skirt and realised it had still been bunched up around her waist. She stayed motionless, not stopping him, knowing the situation was bizarre but not able to think of anything else to do but stand there as he put her to rights. When he was done he stood awkwardly at her side, tempted to leave but waiting for an explanation. She knew he deserved one; she hadn't looked at him and didn't want to for fear of being overtaken by her thirst again, but she knew she had to say something.

She had to, because she wanted to see him again. It was absurdly dangerous, a stupid risk to take... But even now, when she had just seen what could happen, she couldn't resist him. And it wasn't just because he smelled so good.

So she was going to have to speak, to explain, to reassure. He would forgive her, he would try to understand, and he would be the one to ask to see her again. They would have this 'second date' and if she was lucky she wouldn't even hurt him. She might even manage a third date, a fourth date... But there would come a time when her resolve weakened, he would catch her unawares, something would happen, and even if he survived, he would see her for what she was and it would break her non existent heart.

And still she stayed.

"I'm so sorry," she began, not really sure what she was going to say next. He interrupted, anyway.

"Look, Kate. I know you were in a weird relationship. I know you're unhappy. I know I'm probably a rebound, that I'm only here because I was in the right place at the right time, but... I want this, Kate. I want you - whatever you're ready to give me, whatever you want to give me, whatever you want from me. My life was boring as fuck until you appeared in it and quite frankly, I don't care what happens to me now as long as it's exciting and interesting, and you might bring a whole lot of baggage with you, but you certainly seem to be those two things. We don't know each other, you don't need to tell me anything, and that might have been our last ever kiss, but I want to spend time with you, I don't want to leave things like this, and I want you to know that... Well, that I'm interested, I guess..." He trailed off rather lamely in comparison to the powerful speech he had just given, but Kate didn't mind. She was still staring at the ground, the little stones and pieces of grit that she could see so clearly. She finally turned to face him and it took every ounce of willpower she had left but she managed to say it.

"It's not a good idea."

Her voice was barely a mutter, she hadn't wanted to breathe in too much; she'd only have been tempted by his delicious scent.

"Good ideas are never any fun," Rick said, not giving up that easily.

"I'm bad news..." Kate tried again, but her heart wasn't in it. Rick ducked under her arms, forcing her to look at him.

"So am I," he said, staring directly into her eyes. "I'll go if you'll give me a real reason. If you tell me to leave and honestly tell me why, you won't ever have to see me again. But I know you don't want that."

Kate put her arms down at her sides so she could move away from him a little, but she didn't move much.

"No," she whispered. "No, I don't want that."


	5. Chapter 5

****A/N: I am so sorry this has taken me so long! I have been busy, all over the place, loads going on, but I should be updating everything a bit more reliably now. Forgive me? And please review!

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**Chapter 5**

"Then," Rick said, keeping his arms by his sides as well - it took all the self control he had to refrain from reaching out to touch her - "Would you tell me what you do want?"

"I wish it were that simple," Kate said quietly.

"Isn't it?" Rick asked, but he regretted it. He knew it was more complicated than that; it was naive to think that all people had to do was confess to their desires and everything would work out. Kate could feel him thinking and knew his question required no answer.

After a long silence Rick cleared his throat and handed her his card.

"That has my number on it. Now, let me take you home, and if you want, call me tomorrow."

"Thanks," Kate said, taking the card and tucking it into a discrete pocket in her dress. "But you don't need to take me home."

Rick looked around. "We're in an abandoned business area - there are no apartment buildings or houses for miles. A cab would just be expensive; we have my car here. I can drop you off on a corner if you don't want me to know your address."

"No, really, it's okay," Kate said, feeling the thirst burning in her throat again. She didn't think she would survive any more time in the car with him. Well, actually, he was the one who probably wouldn't survive. "You should go," she told him firmly. "It's late. I'll call you..."

She didn't know if she was lying or not. Rick shifted uncomfortably under Kate's stare; he had his back right up against the wall and felt rather cornered. Kate had told him to go but she hadn't moved enough for him to be able to get past without touching her.

Kate still didn't move. She was vaguely aware that she was in the way but she was concentrating too hard on not ripping Rick's throat out to do anything about it. In the end Rick sidestepped around her, brushing her shoulder with his as he went slowly back to his car.

"Are you sure you won't come with me?" he asked again before he got in.

"Positive."

"Will you at least call me when you're home safe?"

"It'll be late, I have to... pick up something on the way back."

"I don't mind waiting," he insisted. "I won't sleep until you call."

Kate sighed. "Fine. I'll call you."

"Thank you," he said, getting into the car. He closed the door neatly and after sitting there for a minute, maybe to give Kate one final chance to change her mind and accept a lift, he drove off. Kate hoped he wouldn't get lost on the way home.

She folded her arms tightly around her torso, another movement leftover from her human life. It was protective, but also, as she had soon discovered, attractive. She didn't want Rick to go. Or rather, her body didn't. If he stayed it wouldn't be safe; she wouldn't be able to stop herself from hurting him. She was too thirsty, too full of need and lust and hunger.

She would call him, though. She would call him when she had fed, when she could think straight, when she wasn't thinking about how fantastic he would taste... Right now she just needed him to LEAVE! Leave, before she smashed the window, yanked him out of the car, and sank her fangs into the soft, smooth flesh of his neck...

The growl of the engine helped her to focus and to her great relief, he drove off without trying to persuade her to go with him again. As soon as she was sure he could no longer see her she began to run with inhuman speed to get away from his smell; though she did not have to breathe, the temptation to latch onto his scent and chase it back to him was almost to much for her to resist.

She didn't stop running until she had covered several miles. Her throat continued to burn with thirst and she used her heightened senses to search the night. She was so desperate it didn't matter who...

The strong, young heartbeat echoed in her ears and she followed it, doing everything she could to transfer her desire to this new target. As she came closer she could tell from the scent that it was a young woman, drunk, wearing perfume, going home alone after a night out. Kate could see her now. She was sad, crying, her mascara had run down her face. Kate was almost pleased about this – she would be able to give the girl something in return. Kate moved in front of the girl and caught her eye, her drunken state meaning she was under Kate's control immediately.

"What's your name?" Kate asked quietly, leading her into a deserted alleyway.

"Jessica," the girl said softly.

"It's nice to meet you Jessica," Kate said. "You smell very good."

"Thank you," Jessica replied.

"Why are you crying?"

"I was at a club but the girl I like doesn't like me back," Jessica said sadly. Kate didn't bat an eyelid at girl. She wouldn't have anyway... But she had seen everything now.

"You're very pretty," Jessica said without prompting. "You're prettier than her."

Kate sighed. "It's not all about looks," she said. "Close your eyes, Jessica. You're not going to feel a thing."

Jessica did as she was told; Kate's fangs were already out and she gently stroked Jessica's neck before biting into her skin. Jessica let out a little moan – but to Kate's shock, it was a moan of pleasure. She was as gentle as she could be, it helped her to be calm. She didn't take too much, Jessica would just feel a little woozy for 24 hours or so. Stopping was the hardest part, but Kate had learned how years ago. She pulled away and carefully cleaned the small wound with her tongue. Jessica stayed still but Kate could hear her heart pounding away.

"I'm sorry," Kate whispered.

"No," Jessica said. "I liked it. I've never been kissed like that before."

Kate was about to say it wasn't a kiss, but Jessica opened her eyes and smiled up at her before she could speak. She looked as if she might be about to faint.

"Where do you live?" Kate asked. When she had discovered the address she scooped the girl up off the ground and quickly carried her home, getting into the house, putting a bandage on her neck, and settling her in bed. Kate caught her gaze firmly before she fell asleep.

"You have a hickey on your neck from making out with a girl in the club. It was a great kiss but nothing else happened. You'll feel too sick in the morning to go to work, if you have work, and you'll call in. You won't see anyone this weekend but by Monday your neck will be better and you'll be fine. You won't remember me or what I look like, the girl you kissed had blonde hair. You won't remember meeting me. You walked home alone – which is very dangerous – you won't do anything like that again. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Jessica said quietly. Kate reached out instinctively to stroke her hair, then hurriedly withdrew her hand and left the room.

Poor kid. She had tasted good, though. Girls were often cleaner, sweeter... But Rick would be better than them all. Cursing herself for thinking of him again, she began to run home. Dawn was approaching and she needed to go to bed before she did something stupid. Something more stupid...

The guilt was as powerful as ever. Jessica had been weak, innocent, and Kate had caught her and hurt her and played with her mind. She had been so consumed by having to get away from Rick that she had hardly given Jessica's welfare or right to be left alone a second thought. Sure, she had cleaned up her mess, just like Bracken had taught her to, but...

She was as bad as him. Or worse, perhaps, because she pretended to be something that she wasn't. It was almost dawn now, another dreary Friday... People would be looking forward to the weekend, a break from their jobs, spending time with their loved ones. Kate had killed. Some people no longer had loved ones to go home to and while she could hide behind Bracken, say she was forced, it had been her hands and her teeth that had ended those lives.

She got into the shower, there was about an hour left before dawn. Rick crept back into her head as the water surged over her body; his delectable scent, his soft hands, his kind eyes, his beautiful body... She _wanted _him, _wanted _him with every fibre of her unnatural body. She felt a tickle in her throat as her thirst began to return and cursed her bizarre nature. She had just fed. She couldn't need more. But still she longed for him.

The sexual desire was different, though, and she tried to hold on to it. She hadn't felt this way since her human life... Almost weak at the knees when she thought about him like that. Everything was so easy for her now, but she was almost clumsy when her mind was stuck on thinking about his arms and chest and the muscles beneath his shirt... She could almost forget what she was, she almost felt human, almost felt alive...

Perhaps if she were with him, if she could _be _with him, if they could... Perhaps, for a moment, she might actually feel it. Feel... Life. Bracken said the only way for their kind to feel something like life was taking it away, draining the last dregs of blood and life from a human body. Kate had done it, when she had been with him. She knew what it felt like. It was... Like nothing else. The fact that it didn't entirely disgust her was enough to make her hate herself a thousand times more than she did already – and her hatred for her existence was fairly strong all the time.

She attacked her hair, washing it thoroughly, tugging at it in an effort to cause pain – but she felt none. She stayed in the shower washing herself over and over until very close to dawn, then dressed quickly in an oversized t-shirt and got into bed. Sleep couldn't come soon enough; her mind tortured itself with guilt and anger and loathing and pain, round and round until sun rose fully, her eyes drifted shut, and she was dead to the world.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Friday night, the night for partying, dates, the end of the week... Kate rose just as the human population of New York would be arriving home from work and settling down to dinner-

Dinner.

Castle.

Shit.

It had been that easy... She should still have been fine from feeding relatively far into the morning, but the thought of Rick, the thought of food, the thought of men in general, in fact, the thought of women as well... It was getting pretty desperate. She had said she would call him. First things first.

Kate kept a fridge of blood bags, for emergencies, just in case... She popped one and slurped it down. It wasn't the same as drinking... from the source, as it were, but blood was blood and she owed Rick a phone call. Hell, who was she kidding? She was _dying _to see the man.

When she was so full she thought she might challenge the idea that vampires couldn't be sick if she drank any more, she got out her phone and tapped Rick's name. Speed dial #69? That was Kate's favourite artery actually- FUCK.

"Kate? I'm so glad you called. When you didn't last night I thought-"

"Sorry about that. I wasn't feeling myself. All better now though. How are you? Did you have a nice day?"

Though Kate hadn't been flustered since she changed, she found the words were tumbling out of her mouth in rather a rush.

"I'm fine thanks," Rick said. There was a hint of a chuckle in his voice, confirming Kate's suspicion that her frustration was showing in her voice. Her annoyance at this somehow turned into annoyance with Rick – what right did he have to make her feel like this? And what right did he have to smell so damn good? What was so special about him? And why did the guy who smelled so fucking good have to just happen to be not only her favourite author, but a wonderful father and a great man? Why couldn't he just be an asshole?

"My day was fine too. I got a lot of writing done. Lex is out with her friends... would you like to go get dinner somewhere?"

Kate was relieved she could honestly say that she had already eaten. "But I'd love to come and watch you eat, if you want," she said. She realised this must sound rather strange, but Rick went with it.

"Can I pick you up from somewhere?" he asked.

Kate had an idea. "How about I pick you up?"

"Sure." She let him go on to give her his address, even though she already knew it, and wondered what to wear. She didn't have to worry about safety. Even if she fell badly enough to scrape her skin, it would heal immediately. Besides, falling was impossible. She would have to be incredibly distracted. Okay, falling was definitely possible.

She'd wear a helmet. Not wearing one would stand out. And head injuries could take days to heal, if they were really bad. She liked her helmet, anyway. It was bright red, she'd bought it in her human life. Her mother had helped her to choose... She had been more resigned to the Harley than her husband. But Kate's father had a hard time accepting things.

A short dress. One of her favourites, she didn't really know why. It barely hung down below her ass. Maybe that had something to do with it. It was assembled in layers, sort of, fringes of pinky beige silk. It was fitted enough that she didn't need to wear a bra; she considered going completely commando... Honestly the lacy scrap of fabric she ended up wearing was far more token than useful.

She shrugged into her close fitting black leather jacket. She didn't feel the cold, but wearing nothing but the dress would draw attention... The jacket had the added advantage of pockets, so she could zip in her phone, ID, and bank card, without having to bring a purse.

She left her basement apartment with satisfaction. She hated it down there. She longed for the freshness of the night... And even more for the touch of the sun on her skin. But she would never feel that again, not unless it was the last thing she felt before burning into dust. Perhaps that wouldn't be so bad. Bracken had said it was the worst kind of agony – and that was if you managed to resist the massive compulsion to sleep as soon as the sun came up. He had also forbidden her to try, of course. But now she could, if she wanted.

The thing was... Five years ago, even one year ago, if Bracken had freed her she would have ended her existence at the earliest possible opportunity. A nice wooden stake, straight through her heart... It would have been so easy. But now... Now she didn't want to die. She had something to 'live' for – and even saying live didn't seem so wrong... The way he made her feel was almost like living, almost like... Almost like humanity.

She rolled the bike out of the garage and straddled it, feeling the growl of the engine beneath her, grinning as she gripped the seat with her thighs. The spare helmet was in the seat... She couldn't wait to see Rick's face when she showed up.

She arrived at his building a little early – she saw traffic regulations as human rules. And if she ever did get caught breaking one, it would take just a quick flash of her eyes for the offence to be forgotten. She pushed the buzzer to Rick's loft. He answered.

"I'm just on my way down," he said. She smiled and went to lean against her bike. When he came out of the door she winked at him.

"Look sharp," she said, tossing him the spare helmet. He gaped at her, but caught it without much difficulty. He began to put it on and she put on hers too.

"Wait," he said, touching her shoulder. She spun round, having to tone down her reaction somewhat – her lightning reflexes and hunter senses meant her instinct would be to grab his arm and smash him down onto the ground. Her mouth would have been at his exposed throat in about a second.

"Yes?" she asked with a smile, trying to put what could have been out of her mind.

"Please don't jump between buildings again?"

Kate laughed. He was adorable.

"I won't. But I'd keep the helmet strapped on nice and tight. Just in case."

Rick had chosen a leather jacket to wear anyway; his jeans weren't ideal but Kate appreciated the way his blue dress shirt hugged his muscular torso. She finished putting on her helmet and got on the bike, motioning for Rick to get on behind her.

"Don't be afraid to hold tight," Kate told him, almost a warning. "I mean, don't fall off because you were being a gentleman."

Rick locked his arms around her waist. "I won't."

"Good. Where are we going?"

Rick tapped his helmet gently into hers. "I grabbed a bite at home. Where would you like to take me?"

"Let's go to the beach," Kate said instantly. The ride would take a good few hours, but Rick seemed up for it. Kate knew a place... It would be completely deserted. Perhaps it was a bad decision. But it was too late now. She kicked the bike into gear and they were off, streaking through the night as fast as the fine tuned engine would allow.

Rick kept his hands firmly in the safe zone, not too high, not too low. Kate wished he'd move them... It was so tantalising to have him wrapped around her yet not touching her at all. She wriggled a little so he was holding slightly lower down her stomach. She felt him shift behind her and smiled, wriggling again. He mistook this for discomfort and hurried to move his hands back up; she moved another fraction so this time they were just a little too high. He would know she wasn't wearing a bra now.

They continued this dance to varying degrees of intensity for about twenty minutes, until Kate pulled off into a lay-by. Excellent multitasker though she was, she wasn't entirely sure she'd be able to avoid any obstacles, or navigate any bends in the road. Rick seemed glad of the stop and took off his helmet, jumping off the bike as soon as they were still.

"What are we doing?" he asked as soon as Kate's helmet was off too. She shook out her hair, still straddling the bike, kicking down the rest.

"What would you like us to be doing?"

Rick groaned. "Don't even go there..." he began, and Kate looked down to the bulge in his jeans.

"Sorry," she said, not sounding sorry in the slightest. He made a face.

"Really?"

Kate winked. "Nope." She put her helmet down on the ground and swung her leg over so she was leaning on the bike facing him, knowing full well the action gave him a clear view of her practically non-existent underwear. He visibly shuddered.

"Are you sure, Kate?" he asked, slowly walking towards her.

"Shut up and kiss me," she growled, grabbing the top of his jacket and tugging him into her, parting her legs so he was pressed close, attacking his mouth with hers. She felt her fangs slide out but wouldn't break the kiss for anything; Rick seemed too taken up with it to even notice. His hands were finding their way under her dress and onto her ass.

"You're so cold," he murmured, moving to kiss her neck.

"Do you mind?" she asked, trying to keep focus as she tipped her head back and let him do what he would with her.

"No..." he said. "It's... hot."

Kate laughed gutturally. "That's an oxymoron if I ever heard one."

"Actually it's not the best kind," Rick muttered, his mouth moving lower, still ever the writer. Kate laughed more, winding her legs around the back of Rick's. She rocked slowly and while he moved with her, after a few minutes he broke away. With hindsight, she would accept that this was no bad thing... His neck had been about to be in range and she wasn't sure she could have-

She let out a noise of complaint. Rick chuckled weakly.

"We'll never get to the beach at this rate," he said. Kate sighed.

"You really want to go to the beach, huh?"

Rick laughed a little more. "You're a very strong woman, Kate. I'm no match for you, and if you want your wicked way with me right here, right now, at the side of the road, I doubt I'll be able to stop you... But wouldn't you rather somewhere a little more... comfortable?"

Kate smiled, thinking of all the worse places where she had... Her smile faded. It wasn't exactly something to be proud of. Or something she wanted to think about.

"I guess more comfortable would be nice," she conceded, getting back on the bike and reaching down for her helmet. Rick smiled.

"I hope I can go along with it too, now," he said, putting his own helmet back on. He sat a lot closer this time, much more confident, much more ready to enjoy it. Kate was glad. She liked a man with confidence.

This thought made her shudder a little when it led her to Bracken. But he was gone. She was free of him. He was not going to ruin this.

_No. You are. You're going to kill him. Tonight, if things go the way they're going._

No! We can stop...

_During sex? You're too young, Kate. You don't know your own strength, you'll never control it._

His voice was so clear in her head she almost checked over her shoulder to make sure the man behind her wasn't him. But she knew, really, she didn't have to check. The hands pressed into her torso were warm and soft; the breath on her neck was sweet, that delicious fragrance that made her want to sink her teeth-

Definitely Rick.

She drove faster, wishing the cold air rushing past them would do something to help her calm down, but it was no help. One way or another, she was going to have him tonight. Her desire was too strong... She told herself she could control it, but the fact that she was going through with this already proved she was not the one in control.

She had to have him.

She hoped he would survive.

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A/N: Thanks for reading, please review!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Motorcycles seem to be showing up more and more in my fics... Maybe that's because I want one...

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**Chapter 7**

She was so beautiful, so stunning, so amazing, so deliciously nervous and so obviously frustrated. He needed her so badly... He hadn't been with a woman in too long, and he hadn't been with a woman like her... ever. She was... Her cool skin was smooth and refreshing, her dark eyes held mysteries which attracted him almost as much as her perfectly sculpted body. Her drivers licence must be a fake, but he didn't care. He was past caring.

He was nervous, but getting braver by the second. She kissed him like a hungry animal... They were back on the bike now and she was forcing him to hold her tightly. The time had passed for fooling around as she drove. They were nearly at the beach and he knew the anticipation would make the prize even sweeter.

And her mind was a match for his too. She was flirty, intelligent, dangerous. She drove like a madwoman, and he loved it. Touching her was electric, he was almost hypnotised. All his qualms about starting something with her had disappeared in that kiss. She wanted this just as much as he did, she _needed _this, and so did he.

He thought fleetingly of his daughter, of his life... But while he loved his family dearly, he needed some excitement. Everything had been so boring, so monotonous. He needed something new, something fresh, something involving a little risk. And that something was Kate.

The air rushed by him and he allowed his mind to wander, to wander all over Kate and what she would be like... He gripped her tighter. She relaxed in his arms, he could feel her strength rippling through her torso, yet she wasn't forcing him to be continuously dominated. They had arrived. The moon and stars were finally visible now that they were some way out of the city; Kate let the bike glide sideways to a halt in the sandy parking lot, Rick loosened his hands and she moved hers up to remove her helmet. She shook out her hair.

"Beautiful," Rick murmured, and he wasn't talking about the beach. Kate looked out to the sea, gentle waves reflecting the silver moonlight. Rick took his helmet. Kate got off the bike in a movement that was far to quick for a human, but if he noticed, his mind brushed the anomaly aside. He put down the helmet and stood beside her, looking at the water, wondering if she was trying to transfer some of its calmness to herself.

He took a deep breath, and heard it; Kate was silent, hardly moving, not making a sound.

"Walk with me?" he suggested, since Kate didn't seem to be in a fit state to think of what to do. Rick had actually been here before, though it was Kate's choice of destination. He wondered if they'd ever been here at the same time...

They walked in the sand, keeping their shoes on because stopping to take them off would have been too awkward. Kate was wearing six inch heels, but she was probably walking more smoothly than Rick. She'd left her jacket with the bike; in the dim light she could almost have been wearing nothing; the colour of her dress was only a little darker than the colour of her skin.

They walked to a small area of grass, wish some bushes and trees providing a little shelter. He was about to lean in to kiss Kate; they had stopped walking, but she suddenly whipped around and looked him right in the eyes.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked. Rick stared right at her.

"I haven't been so sure of anything else in my whole life." It was cliché, it was sickly sweet... But in that moment it was true. She didn't need to be told twice. He felt her mouth on his; her shoes were off and suddenly he was inches taller, his hands supporting her slim body, sliding under her dress and exploring her smooth, cool skin. His shirt and jacket hit the ground, he didn't even notice what happened to his buttons. He shivered with anticipation; she was kissing his neck with a passion he had never felt before.

He tore at her dress and after letting him struggle for a while she stepped back and yanked it over her head, then stood before him in her underwear. After a second, she charged at him again, hardly giving him a chance to appreciate her perfect breasts before she slammed him into the ground. He undid his jeans, the ever growing bulge begging for release. This was not going to last long.

He kissed any part of her his mouth could reach but she moved so quickly, sucking and massaging his skin with her mouth. He felt her teeth graze him and shuddered-

And then she stopped. She shot away from him, her hand over her mouth. He sat up, dazed, trying to assess the situation, so desperate for her he could barely put two words together.

"What..?" he managed.

"I can't," she said through her hand. "I can't hurt you."

"Wha... You're not hurting me," he said, trying to work out what the hell was going on. He thought he saw her sigh. Then she put her hand down.

The pale light glinted on two sharp fangs, protruding over her bottom lip. She wouldn't look at him, she was so ashamed. He thought she was waiting for him to leave. He waited for a moment, thinking about... Well there was a lot to think about.

Yet... there was also nothing.

"For real?" he asked, his arousal only increasing at the idea.

Kate raised her long lashes to look at him. She nodded. Rick stared at her for another long moment, then got up and, with some difficulty, made it over to her. She was crouched on the ground; he knelt in front of her and slowly moved his mouth to hers, kissing her fangs and all. It was amazing, all the more so now she wasn't trying to hide what she was. But after a minute she pushed him away.

"I'll hurt you... It's not safe."

Rick kept his hands on her.

"I trust you."

"I..." she couldn't even say it, it was so disgusting.

"You want to bite me?"

She seemed close to tears. She was so _hot_. She nodded.

"Good. I want you to bite me too."

She gaped at him. Her fangs made the picture... fascinatingly sexy. And then he was on his back underneath her again; she straddled him, her hips moving over his erection as her mouth found his neck. Her panties disappeared and after a chuckle as she flicked the condom from his pocket away into the bushes, he was inside her and he moaned with pleasure.

Their temperature difference only made it better; her movements were so well placed, guiding him higher and higher. He was afraid he was doing very little for her, but she seemed to love being in control. His hands moved to her hips after tracing briefly over her breasts, and he moved one round to her front slightly to find her centre. She shuddered, but took his hand away so it didn't get trapped between them.

Then, to his slight horror, she put a broken tree branch in his hand. He hadn't seen her get it. She moved her mouth to his ear.

"If you need me to stop, hit me, as hard as you can, in the head or something. If I don't, and if you feel like you're dying – and believe me, you'll know – stab that into my back. I'm mostly dead already. That'll just finalize the process."

Rick could hardly believe what he was hearing, but when it had at least partially sunk in, he made a noise of protest.

"I won't kill you. And you won't kill me." He kissed her neck, which was now within reach of his mouth. She stroked an arm down his side and shifted her hips again, bringing him so close to the edge he could almost see paradise waiting for him.

"I won't kill you..." she echoed in a desperate whisper, then moved to kiss his neck again. He groaned as her pace increased with the pressure of his mouth on her neck. Then, with a flick of her hips, she brought him to completion in the same moment that she bit, hard, into his flesh...

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A/N: Review! (In other words, review if you want him to live... Xx)


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I may or may not have been drunk when I wrote this... And by that I mean, I'm hammered, so... ENJOY!

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**Chapter 8**

"_Let's hope..." she whispered, then moved to kiss his neck again. He groaned as her pace increased with the pressure of his mouth on her neck. Then, with a flick of her hips, she brought him to completion in the same moment that she bit, hard, into his flesh.._

He felt as though she was sucking the orgasm through him, making it surge all the more powerfully, all the stronger. He cried out with ecstasy and his back arched as he poured into her.

It was over too quickly, but Kate's moans of pleasure as she came above him, his blood dripping from her mouth, her pupils completely dilated, kept him going longer than he had ever done before. She rolled off him and immediately moved to inspect his neck. He closed his eyes, brilliantly relaxed, but she pulled his lids open.

"Are you okay?" she asked nervously.

"Never better," he mumbled. He felt her tongue on his neck, cleaning the wound. He would discover the next morning that she had considerately bitten low enough down that his shirt collar would cover the mark.

Kate felt relief wash through her. She hadn't felt this good since... At least since she was human, but maybe ever... And he was okay. A little drowsy, but there was colour in his cheeks, he was fine. She had been able to stop. It had been _easy _to stop. Okay, not easy exactly, but all it had taken was the thought of him dead beneath her and her mouth had unattached itself from his skin. She could still taste him, though. His blood had been been better than she had imagined, so rich and pure and... She wanted more. She would always want more. But she knew that she wanted Rick, more.

Because having him inside of her, having him love her... So she had been mostly in control, but he hadn't been passive, those hands got everywhere... She found herself excited, very excited, at the thought of letting him be in control. Which was amazing. Since Bracken, while with Bracken... She'd been with her fair share of men, mostly non human, but she had always had to be the one in control to get any pleasure out of it.

Rick made her feel like a girl, a human girl, who wanted to be slammed against the wall and... Later. Later. She could think about that later. She lay beside him on the grass and listened to his breathing and heartbeat, making sure both were still steady. Looking up at the sky, she realised they would have to leave soon if she was going to make it back home by sunrise.

She got up, loving the fact that she didn't have to slow herself down. He could see how fast she was, how strong she was... Because he knew what she was now. She knew it wasn't safe, she knew there was nothing to stop him telling people about her, she knew she should hypnotise him so he wasn't a danger... But she was also sure that she could trust him. He wouldn't betray her. She could _feel _it.

Rick propped himself on his elbows and looked up at Kate, gloriously naked, the moonlight bouncing off her skin. His neck ached a little, but nothing that really bothered him.

"You're beautiful, you know."

Kate wiped the blood off her face with the back of her hand and wished her fangs would retract.

"I'm a monster," she whispered.

Rick stood up, much more slowly and less elegantly, and pulled up and fastened his jeans. He reached out a hand to brush hers away from her face, and ran his index finger along her top lip. He traced her fangs with fascination. He'd always imagined vampire fangs as replacing the canines, but Kate's were in place of her lateral incisors, closer together... More convenient, he decided, after thinking about it a bit. They were beautiful... So dangerous, so sharp and deadly...

She could kill him with them. It made her all the more wonderful to him that she hadn't. It also _really _turned him on. He hadn't thought of himself as having more... interesting preferences, but Kate biting him hadn't been painful, it had been so sensual, so part of everything... He might well have just had the best sex of his life. With a girl who wasn't even a girl. With someone who wasn't even human.

Kate softly kissed Rick's finger.

"You should be more scared of me, you know."

Rick chuckled. "You've just changed my whole world. Do unicorns exist too?"

Kate had to laugh. "I don't know. I never saw one. But I suppose there's no reason why they shouldn't."

"And you... you're a.."

"I'm a vampire," Kate said, the word dripping with self loathing.

"It's not your fault," Rick said gently, his hand moving down to her shoulder, caressing it. Kate tilted her head so her cheek was closer to his hand.

"I know," she said, but she also knew that some of the things she had done couldn't be anything but her fault. She would live with that guilt forever.

"Do you really... I mean, do you really not mind?"

Rick grinned. "You want the honest answer?"

"Yes," Kate said a little nervously.

"I think it's fucking hot. So... you drink blood, you have fangs. That twilight woman got it so wrong."

Kate smiled. "We did have a good laugh about that. And, yes."

"Sunlight?"

"I'd burn. Ashes in about half an hour."

Kate knew this was true. Not only had she managed to sneak out into the light a few times before Bracken forced her inside or underground, vampire punishments... were interesting. They had to have some kind of system to keep themselves controlled and hidden. She had seen a man of her kind burn alive in the sunlight until he was nothing more than dust...

"And I know stakes work. Anything else?"

"Silver... Not garlic though. I don't like the smell, but I don't like the smell of any human food. Also susceptible to most blood infections... Though usually we heal, it's kind of like getting a cold."

"Wow..." Rick smiled at her. "I mean... wow. You're... amazing. Magical."

If Kate had been able to blush, she would have. "You're not so bad yourself."

Rick laughed, then looked at the sky.

"Do you need to be back in New York before sunrise?"

Kate nodded. "That would be best. Although I can sleep in the ground-"

"I can see why you wouldn't want to," Rick finished for you. "Can you fly?"

Kate grinned. "Yep. Maybe I'll show you one day."

"I saw how fast you are... Do you ever get tired?"

"No... I get thirsty, but I get thirsty even if I don't do anything. I've never run for long enough to feel tired at all. I'm never tired, unless it's light."

"And no heartbeat, no need to breathe..."

"Dead," Kate said shortly. Rick winked.

"You didn't seem dead just now."

"You have a very special effect on me."

"I'm flattered... Did I... Do I... Do I taste good?"

Kate had to reign herself in before answering this one. The truth was, he tasted a thousand times better than any blood she'd ever had, and she had no idea why. But she had a feeling his ego was big enough already.

"You taste fine. Good packaging helps."

If Rick saw through her, he said nothing. Kate looked around for her dress; Rick put on his shirt and jacket. They got back to the bike and rode back mostly in silence, both thinking about what had happened. During the last part of the journey, Kate came to realise two things. One, her throat didn't burn at all. She was completely satisfied; even Rick's perfect smell didn't make her want a drink. Well, not much. And secondly... She was _very _horny.

They reached New York two hours before dawn. Kate stayed on the bike outside Rick's building, but he tapped on her helmet. Laughing, she took it off.

"What?"

"Well, two things. One, you're not leaving without a kiss goodbye. And two... do you want to come up?"

Kate bit her lip as she thought about it, something which looked kind of odd, and very sexy, when her fangs were out. Rick put his hands under her arms and in a surprise move which he could only manage because he was tall and she was sitting down, lifted her off it. She wasn't heavy at all, which he was very relieved by, as trying that and failing would have been pretty embarrassing. When her feet were firmly on the ground, Kate looked at him questioningly.

"You can't do that with your mouth and expect me to let you leave," he said, taking her hand. "Come on. We have almost two hours. That's enough for at least twice – and that's for me!"

Kate gaped at him. His confidence, even though he knew her strength... It was wonderful. And his... fun. He was so much fun. Also, the fact that he hadn't batted an eyelid, let alone been afraid, when he found out what she was, was so refreshing. A surprise, a relief... This was turning into the best night of her life. Well, un-life. But still!

She followed him upstairs, kissing him in the elevator. If she didn't hold herself back, she always did end up being kind of in control, but he was already finding ways to... harness her power, using it to his advantage, managing to dominate a little himself. It was so different from anything she'd ever experienced. She couldn't let go completely – there would be too much risk. She decided to slow herself right down, allow him to be in charge. They got out of the elevator and moved things quietly into his bedroom; Kate quickly scanned his apartment, taking everything in. Her brain processed information so quickly, she would now be able to do anything in his apartment blindfold, even make him dinner.

His bed was delightfully comfortable; though Kate didn't really mind where she was, she was always content, even she could appreciate the expensive mattress. She wondered fleetingly how many other woman had been bedded on it, but she didn't actually care. Because she was the one on it now, and if she had her way, which she always did, she would be the only one on it from now on.

Her dress was off again and Rick's mouth was exploring her body. She wouldn't bite him this time; it wouldn't be good for him to lose any more blood tonight. And she didn't want to. He moved closer to her, undressing as they kissed, then he pressed a little lower onto her-

_Hello, Katie..._

Kate screamed and in a moment was on the other side of the room, pressed against the wall, as far away from the man on the bed as she could possibly be.

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A/N: Oops... Poor Kate. What on earth can have happened? Reviews are golden, love you very much darlings xxx


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter 9**_

_Hello, Katie..._

Kate screamed and in a moment was on the other side of the room, pressed against the wall, as far away from the man on the bed as she could possibly be. She couldn't, she couldn't, he couldn't be there, there was no way he could be in here, he wasn't wanted...

"Kate? Kate, what is it?"

Kate blinked. He was gone. The only man in the room was Rick. She listened, smelled, searched the room with her eyes. They were alone, he wasn't there.

She could still feel him on top of her, pressing down on her, pressing himself into her, overpowering her... She gave herself a little shake. He was not here.

"I... Sorry, I..." but she couldn't think of anything reasonable to say. Poor Rick... Standing there, so cute and attractive, wearing absolutely nothing. He was so good, so open, so trusting. He didn't deserve her baggage. She couldn't tell him this.

Rick took a tentative step towards her, but she shrank away from him. He found it terrifying, that someone so powerful could also be so afraid. And he had no idea what she was afraid of.

"I should go," she said quietly.

"No," he said firmly. "No, we're not leaving things like this."

"I can't... I can't share this with you, Rick. I don't want to."

"And I don't want you to tell me anything you're not comfortable with. But... you know that I care about you, and that I trust you, and that I _really _want to see you again."

Kate nodded. "I want to see you again too."

"I'm glad we're in agreement." Rick looked down at himself, becoming more and more aware of his nakedness. Kate seemed to be progressing in the opposite direction, standing taller, growing back into her pride. Rick had seen her shrink into the corner; now he was seeing her build her walls back up.

It didn't take long.

Kate tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"So... should I put my pants on?" Rick asked with a nervous laugh. Kate smiled at him.

"No... I mean, only if you want, I mean, I don't like to leave things like this."

"You mean, awkward?"

"Exactly."

"Are you sure it won't be kind of awkward, now?"

Kate had always been one to power on through, and this really wasn't a conversation she wanted to have. It wasn't a thought she wanted to have, either, and she wanted to do everything she could to get _him _out of her head. Rick was completely different. Rick was sweet and gentle and eager to please, please her. She didn't know what exactly had come over her, but she wasn't in the mood to worry about it.

She kissed Rick by way of an answer to whatever it was he had said. Softly, gently. Her fangs weren't out, but they soon appeared, which helped his arousal return in a flash. She smiled into the kiss.

When she touched him she thought about how warm he was, verging on actually hot, how soft he was, how vulnerable... How his human muscles flowed beneath his tan, human skin. How his face flushed with anticipation and enjoyment, how his breathing quickened as she ran her hands over his chest and stomach.

She was straddling him again, on top, on the bed. Her knees were more comfortable, she noticed briefly. She ran a hand up to slide it through his hair and caress his face. He smiled; she looked into his eyes.

"You're so you," she murmured. Rick decided to appreciate the comment without thinking too hard about what it meant – which wasn't too difficult considering where Kate's other hand was.

Kate lifted herself up and slid over Rick. He shuddered at how cold she was; it was just as strange and wonderful the second time. His hips jerked upwards involuntarily and Kate steadied him with the motion of her own. They were much slower this time.

She leaned forward, but kept her kisses to his mouth, then moved a little to allow him access to her chest, tilting her head back and moaning a little as his mouth latched onto a nipple and he rolled it in his teeth. She didn't think it was possible for her to get goose pimples, but her skin prickled as he ran his hands down her sides. He settled on her hips and began to control their movement.

She liked it. She liked as his finger found her centre, she let him leave it there this time, let him make her come first, screaming over him, only remembering later that they weren't the only ones in the apartment.

She said curse words, not his name. So he did too, though 'Kate' did threaten to burst through his lips. Kate blinked as white lights popped in her eyes like fireworks, and then she grinned. She felt great. Really great.

She would have to go, though. She sighed, looking out of the window at the not-quite dark sky. Rick's eyes followed hers and he sighed.

"You have to leave?"

"Got a few minutes," she said, sliding off him and settling in the bed. "You'll be asleep before I go."

"No I won't," he mumbled, but he was already on his way out. He just felt so _good_. Kate ran a hand through his hair.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"What for?" he asked.

"For... not asking questions. Letting me have my little... moment."

"Always," he said groggily. "You'll tell me, though..?"

"Tell you what?"

"If you're not okay. I wouldn't want you to do anything if you... I mean, if it was only for me."

Kate kissed him gently on the lips. "I don't know where the papers get their lies from, but you are a very nice man, Richard Castle."

"No I'm not," he said, his voice so quiet now, his breathing slow and shallow.

Kate waited a minute longer, then got out of the bed. She hoped Rick wouldn't mind that she borrowed a t-shirt and a pair of his boxer shorts – her dress wasn't really wearable any more. She left the apartment, feeling slightly nervous as she crossed the threshold, half thinking he might be waiting for her.

He wasn't, though. He had gone. He had to have gone.

She felt safer somewhere he couldn't get to, though. She was pretty sure the invitation had to be hers alone, especially now that she was released. But no, she was sure. The intent was vampire specific, no matter who they were related to. Rick wanted her in, so she could be in. But no one living in that apartment wanted Bracken in it, so he couldn't be there. It was physically impossible. She had tried, for fun.

She hadn't worked it out at first, because the only houses she'd tried to go into were ones she was wanted in anyway. It wasn't like in books, where they actually have to say 'come in'. It was more complicated than that. It wasn't to do with words, it was to do with safety. A funny kind of magic, a flaw in their own, so humans could at least have some way of protecting themselves. Even hypnosis didn't work.

There were still ways around it. Paying a human to go in somewhere and want you inside... But it was confusing. Kate wasn't sure if the human had to be homeless or something, so they 'lived' there. She could experiment, but she didn't like playing with people. She could read up, but so much of the literature was fake, made up by humans who wanted good stories or had strange religions, that it was hard to find actual facts. She could ask other vampires... But she had yet to meet one that she liked.

She did her best to avoid her kind.

She got on her bike, and once she was at a good speed, felt a little safer again. He could run faster than the bike's max speed. So could she, come to that. But moving always made her feel better.

Locking up her basement helped too. She kept a gun loaded with silver bullets under her pillow, and there were no windows of course, just the one door. There wasn't another way in, so she would see him if he came.

He wouldn't in the daytime. He hated sunlight more than most. She had a feeling he'd never liked it, not even as a human, whenever he had actually been human. He'd almost forgotten his human life, he loved his new life so much. Kate was the opposite. She thought about her human life all the time.

It hadn't been long; Bracken had said it could take a hundred years to get fully used to their way of being. Kate hoped she never would.

She tried to settle, liking the feel of Rick's clothes on her. She tried not to think too much about the drab room she slept in. When she'd first been with Bracken, she'd slept in a coffin. An actual, real life coffin. She shivered and got into bed, wrapping herself in the blanket even though she never felt the cold.

As a child, she had put the blanket over her face to make herself feel safe, even though she knew it offered no real protection. Now she covered herself and hugged her pillow, wishing it would have the same effect.

Sometimes she'd been even more scared than that, but she never called her parents. She had made herself stare down the darkness, wait out the monsters in the night. Little had she known that the monsters were real, and one day she would be one of them.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 **_The Monsters Are Real_

**January 9th, 1999**

The restaurant was emptying, they were pretty much the only family left, but the one waitress still on duty didn't seem to mind. They were a sweet family. They'd been stressed at first, but after a bit of conversation they'd settled into being the nicest, friendliest group in the place. They'd just ordered dessert, hot chocolate fudge cake and ice cream with three spoons.

"Mom, seriously, it's so good!"

"Katie, I said I would try it!"

"Yeah, but you wouldn't even get your own helping," Kate said with a grin.

"Your father wouldn't either."

"Dad's had it before. She should have her own, right Dad?"

Jim chuckled. "It is pretty spectacular. But your mother has the right to make her own decisions about everything – including dessert."

Kate laughed. "Trust you guys to go all lawyer on me."

The cake arrived and Kate lunged forward for the first spoonful. Her parents laughed. Six months of living away from home didn't seem to have done much for her maturity. It had been so nice to have her home for Christmas, though. She was still full of stories about going to Kiev for her last Semester of high school, and now about trying all sorts of bizarre things at college in LA.

Jim's buzzer went off.

"Dammit! That's a 911 from work girls. I'm so sorry, I have to go into the office..."

Kate smiled at him, trying to make him feel better.

"Don't worry. All the more cake for us."

He laughed. "What about the car? It's raining, you won't get a cab..."

"We can walk back in the rain. We have jackets," Johanna said, winking at her daughter. "We love walking in the rain."

"Are you sure?" Jim asked.

"Yes. Go, go, start working on your next Christmas bonus," Johanna teased. Jim made a face and got up from the table.

"See you later," he said with a sigh. He kissed Kate on the cheek, then leaned in to kiss his wife. Kate made vomit noises as he embraced her, movie style, and gave her a proper smooch. Johanna blushed.

"Sorry," she said to Kate once Jim had left, but she didn't sound sorry at all. Kate rolled her eyes.

"Don't be. It's... kind of cute. Just not in front of me! Now, eat your cake."

"Bossy!" Johanna tutted, but took a spoonful.

"Oh my God," she said with her mouth full. "This is amazing."

"Told you," Kate said. "Sucks Dad had to leave."

"Look on the bright side honey, we actually got through almost a whole meal together."

Kate laughed. "True. We probably beat the family record."

Johanna sighed. "I'm sorry we haven't been able to spend more of the holiday with you-"

"It's fine, Mom, really. I've had a great time, seeing people from school, hanging out in the nice big house, the TV all to myself, lots of shopping, doing all the city things."

"But I wish we'd been able to spend more time with you..."

"Now you look sad! Mom, I got tonight, and Christmas day was brilliant, we had the whole day. Don't worry about it. I have two loving, successful parents. I'm lucky."

Kate wasn't telling the absolute truth. She did feel a bit resentful that her parents hadn't had more time for her, but she didn't want to ruin what had been a really nice evening. She had a feeling her mother could tell she was putting on a bit of an act, though. She wished she could think of something to say to put her at ease, but... She was too annoyed and caught up in her own nineteen year old world to put the right words together. She reached out and put a hand over her mother's. Johanna smiled.

"So. Any ideas for your last few days before you go back to college? We could go shopping?"

Kate bit back her first remark, which was along the lines of, 'What's the point in making plans if you won't be able to make them?' and smiled again.

"We should. We can sort something out tomorrow when you have your work diary."

It wasn't that she didn't want to do things with her Mom. She did. She _really _did. But she'd been disappointed so many times as a kid that she just didn't want to get her hopes up any more.

"Thanks," Johanna said, meeting her eyes. Kate felt the hazel orbs pierce hers and knew her mother knew what she was thinking.

"I won't let you down, Katie. We'll sort something out, and I promise you, I'll be there. They'll have to kill me to stop me."

Kate laughed. "It's as if you read my mind."

"You're my daughter. I don't need to read your mind to know what you're thinking."

Kate sighed. "I wish I knew what other people were thinking."

"No you don't, honey. It would be good at first, maybe, fun for a few days... But people think all kinds of trash you don't want to know about. You'd never be able to go on a date again."

"Seems like you've given this a fair amount of consideration."

"I see through lies for a living. I'm good at working things out. And I have plenty of life and dating experience. But yes... I'm like you. I like knowing everything. But it's possible to know too much."

Kate looked out at the pouring rain. The cake was finished.

"We should head home. It's getting late."

"You just want to get out before the rain stops."

Johanna laughed at her daughter's 'busted' expression. She went to the till to pay and came back and put her arm around Kate.

"I like the rain too. It's like the whole world's getting a shower."

"It isn't actually raining all over the world," Kate said with a sly smile.

They ran out into the rain and both looked up at the sky, grinning. Kate ran ahead into the street and burst into a loud, very out of tune rendition of 'Singin In the Rain'. Johanna smiled, admiring the confidence, the beauty... The things she was pretty sure Kate wasn't even aware of.

Kate twirled around on the wet road, wishing she could stop time, right here, soaked through, excited, happy... And the best kind of bittersweet. Her mother sometimes said that you could tell real love because it was hard. If love was simple, it wasn't deep. The love in her family was deep. She wasn't completely honest with her parents, she didn't see them enough, her father had had to go, all these things... They made her angry, but they made her determined too. And she knew her parents loved her.

So as she screeched about how glorious she was feeling, she really did feel happy... The most powerful kind, because it wasn't without sadness. She wondered if her mother felt the same. After a fair amount more singing and dancing, she let Johanna catch up with her again. The rain was still pelting down; though they both liked the feeling, the cold made them walk more quickly.

"Shortcut?" Kate asked. Johanna made a face.

"What have I told you about dark alleyways at night?"

"It's not dark. There are lights. And you said alone. I'm not alone. If we meet a mugger you can whack them with your purse. C'mon, it takes half an hour longer to go the other way."

"You make a good point," Johanna said as lightning cracked through the sky. "Alright."

They turned left down a side street. Kate hopped over a bag of garbage.

"Don't you just love New York?" she said. Johanna laughed and did a little jump of her own.

"Wow, Mom, you actually looked young for a second there-" Kate paused; her mother had suddenly acquired a worried expression.

"What?" she asked. Johanna didn't make a sound. A horribly feeling began to seep into Kate's body, cold and sickly.

They weren't alone.

She turned around slowly, and could see the silhouette of a man behind her, a big man. It was too dark to make out his features. She backed towards her mother and wished she had a weapon to grip onto. She shivered.

"Hello?" Johanna said confidently. Kate was so glad she was with her, she'd never known Johanna to be afraid of anything. Her heart thumped in her chest as the man took a few steps forward.

"Hello, Mrs Beckett," he said. He had a deep, powerful voice. Not cruel or violent... But somehow that made it all the more scary. Kate gripped her jacket with her hands to steady them and told herself that she was only shaking because of the freezing rain.

"Can we help you with something?" Johanna asked.

"I'm afraid talking won't help you," he said, sounding genuinely apologetic. "I am so very sorry, Johanna."

And then he was on top of her, brushing Kate aside as if she weighed no more than the pieces of garbage being blown by the wind. She screamed, hitting him; she found a brick and tried to beat him off but he wouldn't move. She screamed until her throat burned, but this was New York at night. No one would answer a cry for help, even if they heard. She could hardly see her mother, the man was hiding her with his body, but her cries became quieter and she was beginning to stop struggling.

Kate still tried to pull the attacker away, sobbing and shouting. The brick wasn't even damaging his head; she threw herself at him and he didn't even flinch. She gave up on the brick and beat him with her hands but he wouldn't move, he wouldn't move and her mother wasn't moving either and he was getting up and she was white, white on the ground, and her throat was... There was so much blood, so much blood...

The whites of his eyes were as red as the blood all around his mouth. Kate backed against the wall, too scared to run. Lightning cracked open the sky again and the electric flash of light would burn the image of his monstrous face into her mind forever.

She didn't even fight back when he gripped her shoulders. She wanted to die, she welcomed the pain that was about to come. The last few minutes had killed her already.

Then she heard a gasp. Her movement took the man so much by surprise that she managed to get to her mother's side. Blood bubbled from her mouth; she was trying to say something. Kate stroked her hair.

"It's okay, Mom, it's okay, I love you, it's okay-"

"Run..." her mother said. "Run..."

But it was too late. The man was gripping her again, he seemed more entertained by her than anything else. He pinned her against the wall with one hand, then picked up the brick.

"No running," he said simply, then slammed it into her skull.

When she woke up she was drinking something and it was so good, so delicious, like a drug, like a dream, maybe it had all been a dream... Her eyes were closed and she didn't want to open them because it might not be real, she might be dreaming and she might wake up in a minute, at home, safe, with her mother's arms around her, warm, living arms... The source of the drink was removed. She moaned with complaint. She wanted more, she felt weak and tired, her head hurt, her neck hurt, she was so tired...

Kate woke up trapped in a box. She screamed instantly. Her throat was burning; she punched her container and to her surprise, it broke. She jumped up and looked around. She was in a basement.

And everything came flooding back to her. The monster, the psychopath who had attacked her mother and then her. He had taken her prisoner. Her mother was dead.

Her mother was dead.

Her mother was dead.

She collapsed onto the floor but she couldn't cry; sobs shook through her body but the tears wouldn't come. And then she felt something in her mouth, something... change. Tentatively she reached her hand up and felt for whatever it was... She found two sharp points, two... fangs.

The burn in her throat. She was so thirsty. But water wasn't what she wanted.

She breathed in and could smell _everything_.

She stood up, moving with inhuman grace and fluidity.

She could see, even though it was dark.

Her skin was so pale, as pale as...

As pale as a dead body.

She moaned in horror, then went back to the box. It was made of wood. Wood. She broke off a splinter; it took no effort at all.

She held it in both hands and thought of her mother, thought of the family dinner and the happy jokes and Christmas day; she raised the piece of wood ready to jam it into her heart-

"Stop," hissed a smooth male voice in her ear.

She tried to continue but she couldn't.

"Drop it."

The wood clattered to the floor.

"Don't move."

She froze. The impulse to run was so strong she felt as if she was being ripped in half.

She heard him walk to the side of the room; felt the swish in the air as he raised his hand to flick a switch. He came back to stand in front of her.

"Good evening, Kate. It's nice to finally meet you properly. My name is William Bracken, and I just saved your life."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading, please review if you have time - I know it's a bit different but I think this chapter needed to happen. x


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Kate woke up and found that she had curled into a ball during the day. She couldn't remember ever having done that before. She tried not to let it bother her, and pushed all thoughts of her maker as far into the back of her mind as they would go, and headed for the shower. She noticed her phone on the way; she had a message. She smiled; she couldn't help it. It was from Rick; it had arrived at 3pm.

"I just woke up; you'll still be sleeping but I've started writing the message now. I had a wonderful time last night. I'm almost texting you to make sure it wasn't a dream. I hope you slept well - call me when you get this? Maybe we can do something. I'd really like to. R."

She put her phone down and moved towards the bathroom, then changed her mind. She'd never done the texting thing - she'd picked up from TV you were supposed to keep people waiting. But why? She didn't get it.

"You weren't dreaming. I'll call you once I've showered and eaten."

The reply was immediate; she still wasn't in the shower when her phone buzzed.

"Eat someone else? Am I not up to snuff?"

She laughed. He made her feel all... tingly inside.

"Wouldn't be good for you. Eat and drink lots, take vitamins. I feel like I'm fattening a turkey. I don't have to take your blood."

She didn't even bother walking to the bathroom this time.

"I want you to. It's hot. I mean, only if you like my blood. How else do you get any?"

Kate could feel the curiosity and something like fear in the question. He knew she could kill. He was beginning to realise that she might actually have done it. She couldn't bring herself to tell him that she had.

"I stop bad people and leave them alive. Or I take donated blood. Or I make sad people feel better."

"You can hypnotise people?"

"Yes."

Kate was sure she knew what he would say next, he would ask-

"You haven't hypnotised me."

That was a surprise. She chuckled.

"You wouldn't know if I had."

"But you haven't. I'm sure."

"Maybe I'm just good at it."

"No mind trick could make me feel like this."

"I hope that's true. I have to shower. X"

Kate turned off her phone so it couldn't distract her and locked herself in the bathroom. She lingered in front of the mirror for longer than usual, staring at her nineteen year old face and almost wishing she had aged. Her skin was ghostly pale... But she was attractive. There was no denying it. She ran a hand through her wavy dark hair and for once, intentionally popped out her fangs. She touched them with her index finger, feeling their sharp points, wondering what it was about them that Rick seemed to like.

She gave up and got into the shower, but her critical eyes only moved on to her body. Her curves were smooth, but she knew he must find her skin strange and cold. A wave of frustration rushed through her and she slammed her fist into the tiles. A few of them cracked and her fist became embedded in the wall. She pulled her hand back and watched the tiny scratches heal before her eyes. She turned off the shower and got out, drying herself on her fluffy violet towel.

Then, finally, she allowed herself to go back into the main room and turn on her phone. There were two messages.

"I could come over and help?"

And then,

"Next time then. Want to come over? Lex has gone out. Fair warning though - if you do come over, I'm going to make you talk."

Kate decided to use up more of her stock of donor blood; she drank quickly to sate her thirst, then called Rick. He answered on the first ring.

"Kate," he said. She could hear the smile in his voice.

"Hello," she replied, suddenly feeling the urge to giggle.

"Good shower?"

"I broke the wall," she admitted. It was funny."

"How did you... Know what, tell me when you get here. Unless you called to tell me you're not coming?"

"I'll be there in 5 minutes."

"You live close then?"

"I can fly." It was so good to be able to admit it, to say it, even to show off about it.

"Right. See you in five, then."

She hung up and dashed to her closet to find something to wear. He wanted to talk. She didn't think he meant anything more than that he wanted to ask her hundreds of questions, but she owed him an explanation for last night. It wouldn't be fair to wear something distracting. She even wore underwear that didn't match.

She went for jeans and a tight red sweater. And red heels. She had to have a little fun. She would take them off when she got in. She brushed her teeth and left her hair; flying would dry it and give it a tousled style.

She got outside and looked up at the sky. It wasn't really dark; New York never was. And then she jumped up into it.

Two minutes later, she tapped on Rick's window. She could see inside; she saw him almost fall out of his chair when he saw her. He opened the window and she entered.

"So I don't have to invite you in," he commented.

"Well... You kind of do. It's more about whether you want me inside or not. If you tell me to leave I have to go," Kate said. Rick went to sit on the couch. He'd already poured himself a glass of wine. Kate took off her shoes and sat beside him.

"That's intriguing. And you weren't kidding about the flying..."

Kate smiled at the amazed look on his face. It was so nice, and so strange, to have someone so interested in her.

"When did you become... How you are?" It wasn't that Rick didn't want to say vampire, it was more that there was so much myth, so many stories... Vampires weren't real. Well, actually, they were, but... He wanted Kate to know that he thought of her as a person, not as some kind of monster or mythical creature.

"January 1999," Kate said quietly. Rick could sense that this was a sensitive area, but he couldn't help pushing.

"And... How?"

"I've never done it myself. But to create a vampire, another vampire must drain all of a human's blood, then feed the human enough of their own to keep them alive. Then they sleep together for the day. Sharing a bed, a coffin... If it works, the human is vampire when they wake up."

"If it works?"

"The human can die."

"Oh..." Rick was staring at her, drinking in every word just as she wanted to drink his blood. She admired his bright blue eyes, full of interest.

"Do you have an attachment to the vampire that made you?"

"Yes," Kate said shortly. Rick finally realised asking more would be a bad idea. But Kate knew they would have to talk about it eventually.

"Why did you let me know what you are?"

Kate chucked. "Because there was actually a chance that you'd accept it. You have that kind of mind. And I liked you."

Rick was surprised. "You liked me?"

"I've... I read your books."

"You like them?"

Kate shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "They're alright."

Rick laughed. "High praise indeed. Will you hypnotise me?"

"Will I what?"

"Hypnotise me. I want to see if I can tell."

He was such a child. Kate felt very reluctant to do it. She didn't want to mess with his head. It was just... It just didn't feel right. Rick finally noticed her discomfort.

"Never mind," he said. "What other cool stuff can you do?"

Kate laughed again. "Well... I'm very fast."

Rick winked. "In every department?"

Kate was glad she couldn't blush. She slid closer to him on the couch; he reached forward to pick up his wineglass and take a sip.

"I can be," she whispered. "I also don't have to breathe. I'm very strong."

"How strong?" Rick asked. Kate winked and jumped up off the couch. Before Rick could object, she scooped him off it and lifted him up as if he weighed nothing. He gaped at her as she set him down again.

"Wow. I mean, I thought you were that strong, but... Experiencing it is different. Is it... I mean, is it hard that you can't use all your strength? When you're.. with me, I mean?"

Kate titled her head to one side.

"Sort of. I mean, I can't really let go... But I can't anyway."

"Why not?"

Kate smiled apologetically. "Because if I let go completely, I would almost certainly have drained all your blood in seconds."

* * *

A/N: Wrote this on my phone so I don't even know how long it is, but it's late and I said tonight. Sorry I didn't get to the sex (r and s hehe), that'll have to be the next chapter. Love you, please review xx


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_Kate smiled apologetically. "Because if I let go completely, I would almost certainly have drained all your blood in seconds."_

Kate watched Rick watch her as he evaluated this remark. He wasn't as afraid as he should have been; as with everything else monstrous about her, it seemed to draw him in rather than scare him away. He was fascinated by it, by her difference, by her power, by this woman who looked no more than twenty, claimed she was almost thirty, but spoke as if she had lived far longer than that.

"Do you miss letting go?" he asked after a while. Kate thought about it.

"Yes. In a way. But... in lots of areas, I don't have much experience of what I'm actually missing." She stopped herself from actually clapping her hand over her mouth, but it was close. She could feel her cheeks reddening, even though she knew they weren't. But Rick didn't seem in the mood to tease her. She was sure he wasn't above it, though. In a way she wished they knew each other well enough for him to feel comfortable laughing at her. It would have been relaxing – no one knew her well enough to do that any more. Rick smiled.

"I can't believe a girl as beautiful as you had none," he said. Kate winked.

"That's very stereotypical of you. And nice, I suppose. And you are right. I had some. But you know how... Do you know what?"

"What?"

"I don't think I want to have this conversation with you," she said, a smile breaking across her face. "There's no reason why I should have to."

"Fair enough. But I think you want to talk about it."

"You wanting something and me wanting something are not the same thing."

"Of course not. And I can't deny that I'm enjoying this... talk, that we're having. But it is possible that we might want the same thing in this case, even if we want it for different reasons."

"Your reason is obvious. But what do you think mine is?"

"You're lonely. You lost all your friends when you were... turned, into what you are now. You can only come out at night, you think far too badly of yourself, you're able to hypnotise people... I don't think you have any real friends. And I think you want one."

Kate stayed quiet, waiting to see what he would say if she refused to agree or disagree with him. He was right. He saw right through her. She was impressed; she was also curious where his mind would take him next.

"Do any other humans know what you are, apart from me?"

"No," Kate lied. In fact, one did. But she wasn't ready to talk about that. It was too painful, too miserable. She didn't even like to think about it.

If Rick noticed her lie, he didn't call her on it.

"I feel so flattered," he said, grinning at her.

"I'd tell you that it's a secret, that you can't tell anyone, but even if you did, no one would believe you."

"I'm not going to tell anyone," Rick promised. "Anyway, I quite like having you all to myself."

Kate chuckled. "Because that doesn't sound creepy at all."

"You're a creature from nightmares. You don't get to call me creepy."

"Oh, I beg to differ. I think being the queen of creepy makes me an authority on creepy."

Rick laughed. "I actually don't find you creepy at all."

"I can't decide whether to be offended or happy. But that's actually the idea. It's to lure you in – my whole body is designed to kill. Twilight did get that much right."

"You don't feel like you're made of stone, though."

Kate looked around, then darted to the kitchen and came back with a knife.

"I'm not made of stone," she said, and as Rick gaped at her, she dragged the blade across the palm of her hand. The cut was deep, but the skin healed instantly; it took only a second before all trace of the wound had disappeared.

"That's..."

"Creepy?"

Rick laughed again. "No. Magical."

"Alakazam," Kate said in a silly voice, putting the knife down on the coffee table and sitting back down on the couch. Rick took her hand in both of his, examining her palm, running his fingers over where the cut had been.

"I like that your skin is soft," he said gently.

"Do you mind the cold?"

"No. It's... It was strange, at first, but now it just turns me on."

Kate laughed loudly. "How eloquent."

"You're mean. I'm distracted."

"I don't know whether to find the fact that me cutting myself got you so hot disturbing or a relief."

"A relief because that makes me like you? Because blood makes you horny, too?"

Kate bit her lip; her fangs slid out and in the end she smiled. "Yes."

"Then let's go for that. It shouldn't be disturbing. I don't think." Now he was thinking about it, Rick frowned, as if he was giving the problem his deepest consideration. Then Kate had an idea. A very bad idea. A very bad, very good, incredibly tempting idea.

"I... I don't know if this will work, but-" she began.

"If you're about to suggest something sex related, you really could use a better introduction," Rick said, winking at her. Kate groaned.

"I'm sure it's a bad idea. And it doesn't happen much, but I did read that..."

"Spit it out. I'm intrigued."

"Well... You could have my blood. I've heard that it has a very... nice effect on humans."

"And by nice you mean..?"

"Good. Uhm... Stimulating."

"Stimulating?" Rick asked, raising one eyebrow. Kate grinned.

"Yup. Also, if you had my blood, I _think _it's supposed to heal most human ailments. Which would include blood loss. You would instantly make more. I think."

"There's a lot of I think in this suggestion. But it does sound..."

"It's so selfish of me, isn't it?" Kate said hurriedly. "I mean, I can wait, really I can, I don't mind. Much. We can do things, I really don't need to bite you again so-"

Rick stopped her with a kiss which made every cell in her body scream with desire.

"I _want _you to bite me. And... although I never thought I'd say this... I actually find the idea of drinking your blood pretty exciting as well."

"Really?"

Rick grinned. "I won't lie to you, it's not something which comes up in my everyday fantasy. But the idea doesn't disgust me or anything. It was so hot when you did it to me. Why shouldn't it be as good the other way round?"

Kate flopped back on the couch and closed her eyes, concentrating. She had to be sure about this, she had to know he was sure about this. She didn't want to talk him into doing something he didn't want to do just to please her. And he seemed so focused on pleasing her...

"Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked, eyes still closed. She felt Rick shuffle around on the couch beside her.

"I'm sure."

"Have you really thought about the risks? I mean, my blood's made up of God knows what, tons of crazy chemicals, they could have all kinds of effects on you, I really don't know what it might do, I've never even seen a human who's had vampire blood-"

"I want to try it. You'll look after me."

"If I can. What if-"

"You were the one who suggested it, Kate. I know you want to do it. What's the worst that could happen?"

Kate opened her eyes. "I don't know, you could _die?"_

"Not that I think that's even remotely possible-"

"Don't say things like that, you're putting me off even more. You know I could hurt you, I could really hurt you."

"Sorry, I'll rephrase. Not that I think drinking your blood is likely to put my life in any more danger than it has already been in in the last few days, if something untoward were to happen – well, you're dead."

"No." Kate's eyes were ice cold as she spoke. "I would never inflict this life on anyone," she said, dead serious.

Thankfully, Rick noticed her tone before he asked in his whiny nine-year-old voice, 'Why not?'. When he actually thought about it, it was obvious that Kate would saw her life as awful, torture, a half life. She thought of herself as a monster. To Rick, she was anything but. She was a magical creature, amazing, wonderful... Like a unicorn or something. To him her life seemed fantastic, she could do so many things, she was so strong and powerful, she would be forever young and beautiful... But even Rick could sense that there was far more to it than that.

"Okay," he said cautiously. "But I really don't think I would be hurt. And you've suggested it now, I'm desperate to try it."

Kate got up from the couch and picked up the knife. "Fine." She held out her hand and Rick took it, letting her pull him up. She led him through his bedroom and into his bathroom. It was much bigger than she'd guessed from her cursory glance the last time she'd been in his room. It had a hot tub... But what Kate liked the most was the huge shower cubicle, big enough to fit two people. At least. Okay, she didn't really want to go down that line of thought right now. She smiled at Rick. Now that she'd decided to do this, all she felt was excited. That was another thing that seemed to have come with being a vampire – just like her senses, all her feelings were heightened. Every emotion was far stronger, far more extreme, and her moods could change suddenly. When she made a decision, all her qualms about it disappeared and she became completely focused on the matter at hand.

It was very useful. She wondered if Rick had noticed the change; she was sure he had, since it was affecting everything; her tone of voice, her body language, her facial expressions... She had a feeling he was even more observant than he let on, and that his success with woman (which was often all over page 6) was due not in small part to his ability to read them so well.

She stripped off, not wanting to make a meal out of getting rid of her clothes when she could undress so efficiently. Rick raised his eyebrows, impressed.

"That's not something you see every day," he commented. Kate grinned, her fangs shining in the bright white room.

"Are you talking about me or what I just did?"

Rick pulled his shirt off over his head. "I was actually talking about what you just did," he said, unfastening his jeans. "But now that you mention it, you are most certainly one of a kind too."

"Good," Kate said, picking up the knife.

"Can I ask why we're in the bathroom?" Rick said, now as naked as Kate was. She liked that he wasn't shy about his body. He had no need to be, of course, but his confidence, especially when faced with her strength, was refreshing.

"Firstly, I like the way the light shows more, don't you?"

Rick chuckled, and looked her up and down. "Yes, I have to say it does add a certain something."

"And secondly – in case you make a mess."

"In case _I _make a mess? What about if you make a mess?"

Kate made a face. "I've had a lot more practice at this than you."

"Good point," Rick said, taking a step towards her and kicking his clothes out of the way. Kate took a deep, unnecessary breath, and brought the knife up to the base of her neck.

"There's not really a sexy way to say this, but you're going to have to get your teeth in there and suck," Kate said to him. Rick's eyes darkened.

"That sounded pretty sexy to me," he said. Kate felt her nipples tighten just at the sound of his gravelly voice. Rick's hands found her breasts and her back arched into him; she plunged the knife into her neck then let it clatter to the floor. Rick's mouth caught the blood instantly; Kate could feel him sucking it out of her and she moaned with pleasure. Now she understood why he had liked it.

"Oh my God," he said when he took his mouth away. He felt _amazing_. It was like every kind of drug he'd ever heard of all rolled into one, an unbelievable high, yet he was still fully aware of his surroundings and what was going on. In fact, his senses were much more acute. Every brush of Kate's fingers on his skin, every tingle as their lips now pressed together, was multiplied to an intensity he hadn't even known he could appreciate. He was stronger, too. Kate pushed him up against the wall and while, of course, she won, he was able to resist her a little, have a bit more say in the battle for dominance.

Kate felt Rick become more powerful in her arms as his arousal began to press against her. She kissed him forcefully, slamming him against the wall with a sudden need to reaffirm her authority. He resisted, but not too much. She felt his hand between them and gasped as he found her centre, brushing it with his forefinger before taking hold of her hips and carefully turning her around. She put her hands on the counter, expecting him to enter her, but to her surprise (and a little to her relief) he continued to touch her just with his fingers, caressing her entire body, returning to her core when she ached for him most.

She felt almost selfish, coming on her own like this, but she needed it and he seemed to want it, and he hadn't forgotten... He was making her feel safe, letting her know that he was here for her pleasure too, that this position didn't mean she was submitting, that he cared about her... She cried out loudly as she shattered around his hand, then he guided her to turn and kiss him again. He was still rock hard between them, and her throat was aching for his blood.

As if he had read her mind, he tipped his head to one side to grant her better access to his neck, then pushed into her as she bit into his warm, soft flesh. It didn't take much movement before he was pouring into her in two places; Kate used one arm on the counter to support herself as she rocked her hips and sucked at the delicious cut on his neck.

Rick's knees almost buckled; Kate kept him upright, just, then detached herself from his neck and guided him to the floor. They settled together on the cold tiles; Rick needed some time to get his breath back.

"Wow," he said eventually. Kate grinned, licking her lips.

"Did I taste as good as the first time?" Rick asked, watching her.

"Better," Kate said, her eyes twinkling. Until she looked over at him. His body was smeared with blood and sweat; his neck just looked _ugly_. She looked down and found herself to be in much the same state, though she didn't have a cut left on her.

"Doesn't that hurt?" she asked, grimacing at the bite she'd left on Rick.

He shook his head no, but winced at the movement. Then Kate had an idea.

"I can't believe I didn't think of this before," she said as she leaned closer to him. She pierced her finger with the sharp point of one of her fangs, then carefully rubbed blood into the bite. Rick's skin began to heal instantly; it was nothing like as fast as her own healing, but after a minute all that was left of the cut were two tiny pink dots. Rick got up to look in the mirror.

"Wow," he said again. Then he looked at the rest of himself.

"I think the bathroom was a good idea," he said, as Kate reached into the shower to turn it on.

"I agree," she said, pulling him in after her. She raised her eyebrows at the enthusiasm in his kiss as he followed her under the warm spray of water.

"So soon?" she asked, surprised.

"What can I say? Must be your blood," Rick said with a wicked grin as his mouth trailed its way down her neck and chest. Kate sighed happily as the water ran over them, washing all the blood down the drain until there was no trace left. Rick's mouth was making its way lower and lower too... She could _definitely _get used to this...

* * *

A/N: Well that was just porn, wasn't it... I hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading, as always, I love you, please review! xxx


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Rick rolled over in his bed, smiling as he felt the sun on his skin. He was disappointed to find that there was no one else in it, but he knew it had to be this way. Kate would be somewhere safe, and she had promised to see him this evening. He had almost drifted back to sleep when there was a tap on his bedroom door.

"What is it?" he mumbled groggily.

"It's just me, Dad," he heard his daughter call. "Can I come in? I'm putting a wash on and I was going to get your towels to put in it."

"Sure..." he said, briefly making sure his sheet was covering him before closing his eyes again.

Alexis walked across the room, chuckling as she saw the state of the bed. Her father had clearly had someone over last night. She opened the door to the bathroom to pick up the towels-

And screamed. She blinked, hardly able to believe her eyes. Rick stumbled out of bed, pulling on his robe.

"What, Lex? What is it?" he asked.

Alexis just stared at her father's bathroom. The floor was strewn with clothes and droplets of blood; there was a bloody handprint on the wall, as well as smears of blood over most of the surfaces. There wasn't actually that much, it had been mixed with water, but the effect was rather horrific. Alexis backed slowly away from the doorway.

"Look, Lex, it's not what you-"

"I don't want to know, Dad!" Alexis almost shouted. "I don't care what kind of kinky shit you're into. Really. But next time, clean up your bathroom before you tell me I can go in there, okay?"

With that, she ran from the room. Rick groaned. At least she didn't think he had killed someone. He flopped back into bed, deciding he needed at least 2 more hours sleep before he even attempted a clean up.

When the bedroom and bathroom were finally in a fit state again, Rick decided to get some writing done. It kept him occupied for several hours, and meant he didn't have to talk to Alexis yet. He finally ran into her in the kitchen at about 5pm, and offered to make her a cup of tea. She accepted, but didn't meet his eyes.

"Look, Lex... You shouldn't have seen that."

"No, Dad, I shouldn't."

"If it makes you feel any better, she is my girlfriend-"

"Dad, I know you'd never do anything that wasn't consentual. I just... _really _didn't need to know that about you."

"Right. She, ah... She's coming over later."

"That's okay Dad, I'll go sleep over at Paige's place. I was going to anyway."

"I... Look, we haven't been going out that long, but she's nice, I mean, I don't want you to dislike her or anything..."

"I don't, Dad. I mean, I'm sure she's lovely. But... Never mind." Alexis closed her eyes and shook her head, then took her tea to her room. Rick looked outside. It was getting dark. He smiled. He would see Kate soon. Despite the awkward situation with Alexis, he still couldn't wait to see Kate, and maybe... Okay so maybe they needed to be a bit more careful. Maybe he did, at least.

Alexis packed a bag, declined a hug goodbye, and got in a cab to go to her friend's. Rick sat down on the couch and flicked on the TV. Was it really that bad?

He could totally understand Alexis' reaction from seeing the bathroom, but... Now he was thinking about the bigger picture. Was it wrong? Was it unnatural? But if it was wrong, how could it feel so good? He chuckled. He had at least one ex-wife that was a prime example of that phenomenon.

He realised he should eat something. He went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He would never make dinner for Kate. Not unless being dinner counted. He sighed. There were lots of things she could never do... He wasn't even sure that he could tell Alexis about her. They would never go to the beach in summer together, never walk in the park, never- He stopped himself. This was not a good train of thought to be on.

He found himself cooking a steak. He didn't want to get anaemic. He fried some vegetables to go with it. It was the kind of meal only acceptable when you were making daily visits to the gym, but Rick figured he'd burned more calories last night than he ever would even with a whole day working out with his trainer.

He finished his meal, feeling a bit weird eating alone when he had a date coming over, but thinking it would be worse to eat in front of her while she ate nothing. He washed the plate and opened a beer. If they decided to go anywhere, she could drive. She was a great driver anyway.

There was a tap on the door. He looked outside; it was full dark. Sure enough, there was Kate. She smiled at him. She was wearing a black trench coat and black fuck-me shoes. Rick shuddered with anticipation. Her red lipstick was hardly calming, either.

He had been thinking that perhaps they should talk, perhaps they needed to... Alexis had made him think more about his concerns, and also about where this was going. He had said that Kate was his girlfriend, but he had no idea if they were exclusive. He didn't even know how he felt about her finding nutrition in other places. Now that he had experienced it, he found it hard to believe it could ever be completely a-sexual. Feeding and fucking seemed so connected, he felt a bit... He didn't know. He couldn't ask Kate to never drink another person's blood. That wouldn't be fair. But he still didn't like the idea.

This wasn't his only hang up, but Kate was undoing the belt of her jacket, kicking the door shut behind her, and backing him towards the bedroom. He gasped as the coat fell to the floor, revealing that she was wearing nothing but scanty black lace underwear. He fell back on the bed and she kissed him enthusiastically, her fangs popping out as she unbuttoned his shirt and ran her tongue down his chest and stomach.

"Hello," she whispered, unfastening his belt and tugging off his jeans in one swift, fluid movement.

All thoughts of stopping her disappeared from his head. It was early days yet, they were just getting started! It was supposed to be like this, crazy, passionate, steamy...

They'd both passed round two before Kate finally gave Rick a breather. She lay back on his bed, smiling.

"Sorry," she said. "I kind of jumped on you there, didn't I?"

Rick chuckled. "You did. But it was very enjoyable. No need to apologise."

Kate kissed his shoulder. "I know, but... When I came in, you looked as if you wanted to say something, but I just... I really needed that. I hope you don't mind."

Rick ran a hand through her hair. "No, I really don't mind."

"What did you want to say?" Kate asked, lacing her fingers with his.

"I... Nothing," Rick said. He considered telling her, but it was not a conversation he wanted to start now. Being with her was so good, _so _good. Voicing his issues would be stupid – he had a beautiful, wonderful woman in his bed, who was giving him the best sex he'd ever had.

"You sure?" Kate asked, rolling over to straddle him again.

Rick slid his hands up her thighs.

"Positive. However, I'm not sure I'm-"

Kate bit her own wrist and offered him the trickle of blood.

"This will make you ready again," she said with a wink. He sucked at her wrist; her blood tasted amazing, and sure enough, he found his energy and desire return in seconds.

They didn't really stop properly until after midnight, and Rick got the feeling that even then Kate still wanted more. She had been holding back, though. She hadn't bitten him. Not once. He hadn't liked to ask, it was still so good... He wanted to let her know that he didn't mind, but also... After things with Alexis that morning, he didn't mind that their activities were a little more... normal was completely the wrong word.

He moved to get out of bed; he wasn't feeling particularly tired. Kate followed him, trying to pull him back into a kiss, but he threw his shirt at her. She shrugged into it, looking rather glum.

"So what now?" she asked as she padded to the bathroom after him. He splashed cold water on his face. Kate forced her mind to slow down. While she was an adult, while she had been born on the date printed on her drivers licence... This vampire thing... Sometimes it made her act exactly as young as she looked. She raked a hand through her hair and took a deep breath, trying to forget how intoxicating she found Rick's scent. At least she hadn't bitten him. She'd fed before she arrived, another blood bag. She'd have to steal some more soon if she didn't want to run out.

Now she was a bit calmer, she had a horrible feeling Rick's 'nothing' from their slight pause earlier was actually a something, a something that was bothering him. He was trying not to let it, but Kate's horrible feeling also had a pretty good idea what the something was.

"You've been thinking, haven't you?" she asked. Rick turned to her as they walked out of the bathroom.

"No. I mean, yes, but not the kind of thinking that your tone is hinting at."

Kate bit her lip. "You don't have to talk to me about it if you don't want to. We can just fuck. That's fine with me. But I thought you wanted more than that."

Rick let out a sigh of exasperation. "Kate, you turn up here dressed in a jacket and lingerie, and now you're talking about wanting more than just sex?"

Kate's eyes narrowed with anger. "You know that's not fair! Being horny one night and only ever wanting sex are two very different things, and the fact that you would use that against me... If you didn't want to do it, you didn't have to!"

"What, so I could turn you down? Kate, I know sex is a sensitive area for you! I didn't want to make things uncomfortable when we have such a good time together."

"But only in bed."

"That's not what I meant!" Rick shouted. "You know I like you Kate, and not just because you're hot and because having sex with you is-"

"But those are the main reasons, aren't they? I thought you liked me, I thought you understood me, but I think I was wrong. I think you just want to experiment. You're just like him. I might have agreed to it this time, but you're all the same! You just want to use me!"

"Rich, coming from the girl who wants to _drink my blood_!"

Kate ripped off Rick's shirt and put her jacket back on. "Don't act like you didn't enjoy that, because I know you did. If you wanted to talk to me all you had to do was say."

"Okay, look, I'm sorry, maybe we do need to talk-"

"No! It's too late." Kate did up her jacket. "I think I should leave to save myself the humiliation of being thrown out in a minute when you decide that you don't want me here."

There was no running after her; she had disappeared from the apartment almost before she finished speaking. Rick wanted to bang his head against the wall. She was right, in a way, but she had angered so quickly... He knew the mood intensity came with what she was, but it was hard to forgive her violent judgement. He sat back down on his bed. It was late, anyway. He should try to sleep. He'd give her tonight to cool off, and call her tomorrow.

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A/N: Thanks for reading, please review! Sorry about the fight, but you know, fights are pretty much just foreplay for make up sex (Serena you're a bad influence on me!) Love you all xxx


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Kate found herself on top of a skyscraper; she didn't even know what building it was. She was still dressed in not much more than her jacket, but it wasn't her lack of clothes that was making her feel exposed. She couldn't decide whether she was in the wrong or not. True, she had just turned up at Rick's place, a complete booty call, but he had been totally into it, he had wanted it just as much as she had... And she would have stopped if he had said something. Wouldn't she?

She was still realising how little control she had, how much this state of being had changed her... She had left Rick's apartment because to stay any longer would almost certainly have resulted in the humiliation of him forcing her to. But now all she wanted to was go back and say she was sorry.

Or go back and show him she was sorry...

Really? She still wanted more? She looked down at herself with something like disgust. How could she still not be satisfied? She was thirsty, she was hungry, she was horny, she was full of energy... And she was always like this. She always would be like this. For eternity. She looked out at the lights of the city, feeling utterly miserable. Her whole life loomed over her; there was no way she could change it, there was no way she could ever be the woman, the human woman, that someone like Rick deserved.

She had told him she wanted to talk, to have a proper relationship with him. But in a way that was pointless. She might as well resign herself to it; the best she was ever going to be to anyone was a brilliant fuck. She just wasn't capable of more, no matter how much she wanted to be. It was like... A lion falling in love with a lamb.

She stood at the edge of the building, leaning over until she fell into oblivion-

-and landed safely on her feet, despite her 6 inch heels. She looked around, still not sure about what she should do. But she was at his door in under a minute. It was like a magnetic pull, only so much stronger. Like gravity. He pulled her like gravity and she had no choice but to go back to him. She tapped on the door; he opened it.

"Kate," he said, surprised. His mouth moved, trying to form more words, an apology maybe, but he couldn't quite think of what to say or how to say it.

"I'm sorry," she supplied.

"Yes," he said, still feeling rather helpless. "Me too."

He stepped aside to let Kate in.

"I..." she trailed off, stepping out of her shoes and walking towards the bedroom to change into something that was more appropriate for a serious conversation. Rick followed her, watching as she dropped the coat and put his shirt back on, the one that had still been lying on the floor. She opened drawers, not wanting to speak... The silence was comforting somehow, not awkward, just... there. She found some sweatpants and pulled them on; Rick was wearing sleep pants and a t-shirt.

She walked back into the main room and sat up on the kitchen counter. Rick leaned against the counter opposite, watching her as she fiddled with her hair.

"I didn't mean to say what I said," he said slowly. Kate nodded.

"I know. I took it the wrong way on purpose, because I... I think I almost have the same worries as you."

"I'm not worried, Kate. I had an awkward situation with my daughter, but it'll all be fine tomorrow and even better the day after that. She's a good kid, it's not a problem really. It just made me think."

"I should have let you talk about it."

"There's not really much to talk about. I just felt weird... And I had such a good time, Kate, I... I don't want you to think for a moment that I didn't enjoy myself tonight."

Kate chuckled. "I know you enjoyed yourself," she said, narrowing her eyes. Rick laughed loudly.

"So are we good?" he asked.

Kate tipped her head to one side. "Yes. But... Look, I was thinking, and I know it's far too early on and you're not supposed to say things like this but screw it, I haven't had a boyfriend since I was nineteen and... Will you help me?"

"Will I help you what?"

"Be... be human."

"You don't have to be human to be perfect, Kate. There's no use wishing you were something you're not. I like you, I more than like you- I mean, you're wonderful like this."

"I'm... I'm not exactly a good girlfriend, Castle. It makes me... different, I have different emotions and reactions, I do the wrong thing..."

"And you think I always know what the right thing to do is?" Rick asked, smiling as he crossed the room to rest a hand on her knee.

"Kate... Of course I'll help you, if you want. But I don't think you need it. You're no worse than me at all of this."

Kate raised her eyebrows. "You can't mean that."

"Think about it, Kate," he said gently. "My life on page six, my ex wives, my girlfriends... I don't know how much you know about it but I do not have successful relationships. I am terrible at this."

Kate reached out and touched his cheek; he had begun to look quite sad. "No you're not," she whispered. She stroked his face, his warm, soft skin. "You're doing pretty well now."

Rick's hands slid under his own shirt to slide up Kate's cool, slender body.

"You're not doing so badly yourself," he said, his voice becoming low with the beginnings of arousal.

"I thought we were talking," he muttered as Kate gently leaned down to kiss his neck.

"I've said everything I need to say," Kate breathed into his ear, before trailing light kisses along his jaw. She forced herself to stop, though.

"Sorry," she said, looking at the floor. Rick put two fingers under her chin to lift up her had.

"I'm not," he said. Then he pressed his mouth to hers, ever so gently, letting the world melt away until there was nothing left but them, two bodies, one hot, one cold, perfect opposites complimenting each other as they made their way to the bedroom in a kind of dance.

Kate found herself on her back again, on her back on the bed, but Rick was so gentle, so soft, so warm... She kept her eyes wide open, staring into his face as he worshipped her body with his. It wasn't anything like... that, it wasn't even comparable. He took her to a place where nothing was wrong, where she almost didn't remember anything, because all she could think about was him and them and the power and magic that seemed to tie them together.

It was slow, slower than she'd ever experienced. Rick was quite firm about it, steadying her hips with his strong hands, much stronger now he'd had her blood. Afterward, curled up in his arms, she didn't know if she'd ever felt this... cared for. Or taken care of. Something like that. She snuggled into him; he shivered and pulled the comforter over them. She bit her lip.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"Hey," he said, stroking her hair. "I should say sorry for being too hot."

"You're not. I... I haven't felt warm for nine years. Being with you is amazing."

She didn't think she'd ever felt so safe and comfortable. "Still," he said gently. "Don't apologise for what you are. I like what you are. It's you."

Kate wanted to cry. "It's not, though. I mean, I wish it weren't. I'm not what I am. I'm... I mean, I still _feel _human. Mostly."

"I didn't mean you don't feel the same things. I just mean don't be ashamed of it. There's nothing wrong with you."

"No, nothing wrong with a creature who needs to drink human blood to survive."

"Hey, Kate, you just said it yourself. You're not what you are."

She was still in his arms; she leaned her head against his chest. "I'm glad you think so. I hope you're right."

Rick closed his eyes. "I'm always right. I'm falling asleep."

Kate smiled. "I'm so happy here."

"So don't go."

He could feel her beginning to get out of bed.

"I have to. It'll be dawn soon, I have to go home."

"I wish we could sleep together," Rick said, blinking as he watched Kate get dressed again – in his shirt, he was pleased to note. "I could come back to your place?" he suggested tentatively.

"It's not very nice," Kate said, shrugging into her jacket.

"I don't mind..." he said. Kate looked up at him.

"You can come if you want. But, Castle... during the day, I don't just sleep. I'm... It's like I'm dead."

Rick bit his lip. "I still want to come. If you'll let me."

Kate thought about it. "Can I... can I say yes but not yet? I don't mean to turn you down but... It's when I'm at my most vulnerable. And while I trust you, I'm just... not ready."

Rick nodded. He was disappointed, disappointed that she clearly _didn't _trust him, but at the same time, he understood. And they had just had a fight, too.

"Kate?"

"Yes?"

"Do you want to go somewhere with me tomorrow night?"

"Like, a date?" Kate asked, smiling. Rick smiled back.

"Yes, exactly like that."

Kate leaned back down to the bed to kiss him on the cheek.

"Yes, Castle, I'd love to," she said softly.

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A/N: Thanks for reading, love you, please review xxx


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Rick wondered all day about where to take Kate on their date. It had almost turned into a challenge for himself, to find somewhere original and romantic to take girls on first dates - he had tried all sorts of things. But despite the fact that he probably had the perfect first date completely figured out, with Kate, it just didn't feel right. It was too much, too over the top. They had already done over the top anyway, that night in the Ferrari. They had done crazy, they had done drama, they had done HOT, they had done sex... And Rick was starting to realise that maybe what Kate needed was low key. Normal. Almost boring - and just... Human.

So he found himself on google not searching for horse drawn carriage rides or restaurants in the sky, but for the movie listings at his local cinema. There were several things on in the evening; Rick decided he would let Kate choose. He hoped she'd go for it. He couldn't even add any flair by preparing food to take with them, because she wouldn't be able to eat it. He sighed. Dating someone like Kate was complicated to say the least. And he still had to talk to Alexis.

In the end it was actually his daughter who started the conversation. He was writing; she tapped on the doorframe of his office.

"Look, Dad, I'm sorry-"

"No, honey, I am. It was a horrible thing for you to see, and I'm truly sorry. I... You're old enough to understand this, and I can see that you're trying. But it's not exactly what you think. I can't explain fully, I wish I could, but what I can tell you is that Kate is a wonderful person. She's a little different, but she is lovely, and I think you'll like her, when you meet her."

Alexis nodded slowly. Her continuing discomfort was clear, but at least she was still listening. She bit her lip.

"Do you love her?" she asked.

"I... It's too soon to know. Or to say, at least." Rick chuckled. Alexis frowned.

"You can play with words, Dad, but your eyes aren't anything like as good at pretending things as your mouth is. U don't mind, if you love her. In fact, I'm happy. I just hope she loves you too."

"You're worried," Rick stated. Alexis sighed, coming into the room and sitting on the corner of his desk.

"I know our parenting system is a little back to front," she said, a smile at the corner of her mouth. "But I also know, really, that you're a grown up, and you actually do make pretty good choices a lot of the time."

Rick waited. He knew she had more to say.

"I also know that you're an incredibly loving person. You care so deeply about people, and I think you find it very hard to see their faults. I know you're like that with my mom, and you're probably like that with me too. It's very sweet, and I love you for it, but Kate... I don't know much about her, and I'm sure she is a good person, but I don't think she's like that. I think she'll be protecting herself, and I just hate the idea of you getting hurt. Of her hurting you."

Rick knew Alexis didn't mean physical harm. That wasn't the danger she saw. Alexis could be incredibly perceptive.

"You're a smart kid," he said softly, patting her knee.

"I know you're going to keep seeing her," Alexis said. "Just... promise me you'll be careful?"

Rick met her steely blue gaze with his own. "I promise," he said firmly.

Alexis was in her room when Kate arrived to go out that evening, but she came down when she heard the door and stood on the stairs, very curious about the woman who had made her see not her father, but almost the world, so differently. Kate smiled at her cautiously. Kate had every advantage over this girl in terms of strength, but seeking Alexis standing on higher ground with a steely look on her face actually made Kate do a double take. This redhead was not one she wanted to get on the wrong side of - and she had a feeling Rick and Alexis were a joint package. She wanted Rick. But she couldn't have him without having some kind of relationship with his daughter.

"Hi," she said carefully, trying for a friendly smile.

Alexis took in the gleaming white teeth and flawless pale skin as she walked down the rest of the stairs. Kate was beautiful, but there was something more to her which made Alexis prefer her to the women she usually saw her father with, despite what she had come across in the bathroom. Kate wore a skintight black dress and black stiletto heels. Her hair was down, soft brown waves resting comfortably on her shoulders. The hand she offered Alexis to shake was cool to the touch, and while her skin and body seemed hardly any older than the teenager, Alexis found her eyes to be much older. She was far too polite to actually ask Kate's age, but the question burned in her mind. Perhaps her father would tell her tomorrow.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too," Alexis heard herself saying, fully aware she was being studied just as much as she was studying. She couldn't hate this woman, she found herself inexplicably drawn to her. She almost wished her father wasn't so keen to get his date out of the apartment; there was just something about Kate... It was scary, too. Dangerous, but seductively so. Alexis was still horrified at the memory of the bloody bathroom, but somehow that horror didn't translate into horror at the person who was to blame for it. She smiled more genuinely, relaxing her shoulders. Kate hadn't been tense to begin with, but she noticed Alexis become calmer. She was surprised at first, but after all, Alexis was Castle's daughter and obviously had his curious nature. Kate almost wished the girl could know her story, but she knew that was impossible. Bracken had said she should never tell any human. She had already broken that edict, but she would not do so again lightly.

Rick watched the invisible assessments that the two women in his apartment were taking of each other and almost wanted to leave the room. But he grinned when he saw Alexis smile.

"You'll be okay on your own, honey?" he asked. She raised her eyebrows.

"Dad, I've been the one taking care of you since I can remember. And Grams will be back in half an hour. I'll be fine."

Rick reddened slightly at Alexis' comment. Kate chuckled.

"I think you've done an excellent job bringing your father up - and from what I can tell, it wasn't an easy job!" she exclaimed. Alexis grinned.

"You're right there. And thank you."

"No problem. I'm sure I could do with some straightening out too."

It was Alexis' turn to blush. "Your manners seem just fine to me," she said, wishing she could have thought of a wittier response.

"I wouldn't mind getting to know you better, though," Kate said. She wished her voice could hold more emotion - she sometimes felt her new (and it still felt new) state of being meant it wasn't just her body that was 'dead'. Her speech always seemed cold and calculated too. But she knew now that this didn't have to be the case. A few nights with Rick Castle had proved that one - things had come out of her mouth which could only be described as hot.

After exchanging a few more sentences with Alexis, Kate and Rick left the apartment. Rick was driving. Kate loved his suggestion of a movie, but was a little worried when he told her she was choosing what they watched. Of the list he gave her, the film she most wanted to see was a gory horror one. But that was just so... vampire. And she didn't want to be the vampire - she wanted to be human. She was about to select the romcom, but she realised something. It wasn't vampire Kate that liked horror movies. It was just Kate Kate. She'd always liked them, even in her human life she hadn't had much patience for romantic comedies. She didn't mind a bit of drama, but a good thriller would always have been her first choice. Maybe this life didn't suit her so badly after all. She liked action too - and even found Pixar kids movies pretty enjoyable. Her favourite thing about horror movies was laughing at them, though. She never found them convincing. Then again, she hadn't seen one in nine years. For some reason she'd never had the inclination to go to the cinema... She'd never really had anyone to go with, of course. And Bracken had not been the movie type.

When she admitted her neglect of the movie world to Rick he was appalled.

"I have some serious educating to do, then!" he said. Kate went on to tell him she'd like to see the horror movie, even though it sounded kind of ridiculous just from the short premise he'd found online. He grinned.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

"You don't think it's too stereotypical?"

He laughed. "I didn't until you said that. But no, not really. You seem like that kind of a girl anyway. You find them funny, don't you ?"

"Always did," Kate admitted with a smile.

"There you go then. And tomorrow night we can start with your catching up. There is A LOT of material to cover."

Kate was fairly amused by his assumption that she would be at his apartment tomorrow night, but she didn't refute it - there was nowhere she would rather be, and no one she would rather be with. She contemplated teasing him anyway, but there would be plenty of time for teasing throughout the evening. Right now she just wanted to enjoy the fact that he wanted her around.

The movie was diabolical, and they both loved it. Rick had still tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks when they left the theater just before midnight. They got back into the car - not the Ferrari - and Rick paused before starting the engine.

"Where to?" he asked. Kate bit her lip. She really wasn't sure. She'd had some blood before heading over to Rick's, and she knew exactly what they were both in the mood for, but she was also doing her best to be aware of the wider situation. Things between them were moving very fast, and while it all seemed to be okay, she didn't want to come between him and his daughter. She could wait, she could abstain until the next night... if he could.

Rick watched her as she thought. She didn't appear to think for long at all - her brain worked much faster than a human one. He wanted to take her home with him, or maybe go to her place - those were pretty much the only options he would be satisfied with. Unlike a human woman, her body language gave nothing away as to her state of arousal. He couldn't read it at all; he could only hope that she was as ready as he was. He hadn't kissed her since the brief peck on the lips when she arrived at his place. The movie hadn't been the type for making out in the back row.

"Your daughter will be home," Kate stated, beginning to suggest that he should take her straight home. Rick let the pause continue for a moment before voicing an idea.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I have a suit at the four seasons that could be ready in half an hour."

Kate shuddered involuntarily. It was possible that fancy hotel rooms would always evoke this discomfort in her. She wondered what to say; hoped Rick hadn't noticed her reaction to what had been a pretty good plan.

She knew what she wanted to say, knew where she should say they should go. She just wasn't quite ready. But she would be.

"I think... You should drop me off at my place," she said softly. "And then go home. But you'll know where it is, and tomorrow night you can come over with the movies, and you'll have to bring a TV too, actually, if you want that is, and we could begin my film education there?"

Rick put his arm around her. Her instinct was to shrink away from the contact, but she forced herself not to and after the initial strangeness of the feeling, she began to find it very comforting and safe. She leaned into Rick, listening to his heartbeat as it lulled her into relaxation.

"I think that's a wonderful idea," he said gently. She smiled.

"I'm sorry I... It's not that I don't want to-"

"I know. Anyway, everyone knows anticipation makes everything better."

"If everyone really does know that, they ought to act on it more often."

"You could say that about a lot of things," Rick chuckled, starting the engine. Kate gave him her address, not feeling as worried as she had thought she would about revealing it.

It was far too early for her to sleep when Rick dropped her off, so she decided to play the piano. It was one of the few luxuries she allowed herself, but it was very worth it. She snuck into a community centre that didn't lock it's second storey windows, and went down to the hall to practise with stunningly skilful fingers. Music was something which made her hope that perhaps she still had a soul, a heart, somewhere inside. The notes and rhythms still had feeling, still had power over her. Her mother had found piano music magical, and Kate felt the same. She could play every piece her mother had ever even mentioned loving; she played more perfectly than a concert pianist. Her accuracy might be a manifestation of her species, but her musicality was her own and as she played she felt herself drifting into the beautiful world that only musicians can enter, a world free of worries and stress, a world of nothing but notes and melodies and passion.

It was nearly getting light when Kate finally noticed the time and stopped practising. She had to hurry to get home before dawn and collapsed in bed as soon as she had locked herself into her apartment.

When she regained consciousness in the early evening, she had to hurry to get everything ready. She tidied and cleaned the whole place, wishing it was less dank and dreary. She had a few pieces of art to make it slightly more interesting, but nothing could make it any other than a fairly small, windowless room. She had some blood, swallowing quickly as she checked the time again. Rick would be here any minute; he'd texted telling her when he would arrive. She just had time to run out to the nearest grocery store - she wanted to get something for Rick to eat.

The shelves of food were baffling - as were the prices. She hadn't had to but food in nine years... She didn't have a stove, but she had a microwave (for warming up blood) so she settled on some microwave popcorn and a bottle of red wine. She had no idea what Rick would like so she just went for the nicest looking label. Unsurprisingly, the clerk asked to see her ID.

She got back to her apartment and just had time to unpack her shopping and run a comb through her hair before Rick rang her doorbell. She smiled just at the thought of him standing outside - she couldn't wait to see him, couldn't wait for him to touch her... She loved that his touch was what she longed for. She liked everything else about his company too, but she had feared, after... everything, that touch wouldn't ever be something positive for her any more.

She helped Rick with the huge flat screen TV he had brought, plugging it in opposite the small couch. Rick put a huge bag of DVDs down beside it, then pulled her towards him for a long overdue embrace.

Kate melted into his kiss, his soft lips enveloping hers as his hands slid under her sweater. She moaned softly as his tongue expertly caressed hers; she let him lead as her body began to hum with pleasure.

"It's nice to see you," she whispered when he finally let her go. His bright blue eyes sparkled with joy and arousal.

"I couldn't agree more," he replied, reluctantly letting her go and reaching down to unpack the movies he had brought.

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A/N: I am so sorry! I know this chapter has taken forever - all I can blame is my very limited Internet - but I know I owe you chapters of everything and I will do my best to deliver as soon as possible. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it, as always please review. Love you lots xo


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: For Serena's boobs. (Just kidding, but you know I wouldn't turn them down..) Sorry it's been so long, hope you enjoy!

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**Chapter 16**

Kate stared at the screen, but she couldn't for the life of her remember what they were watching. Rick had chosen, she had said she didn't mind, there were so many movies she hadn't seen. It was horror... She was trying not to think too much about the blood. She licked her lips; they were suddenly dry. Rick looked over at her, still completely on his own side of the couch. She sighed, letting out the air that had been in her lungs for maybe ten minutes. Breathing was too tempting...

Rick gulped down his wine. Kate wasn't moving. At all. She seemed to be completely comfortable staying perfectly still. It was rather disconcerting. He was glad Alexis seemed happier about everything. One less thing to worry about. And the writing was going well. Really well. So... He looked at the TV but despite making a lot of effort, he just couldn't make himself concentrate.

Suddenly he stood up.

"Do you need anything?" Kate asked instantly.

"No, I... where's the bathroom?" he asked. Kate jumped up to show him.

Rick locked the door behind him and gripped the sink. What the hell were they doing? What was going on inside him? He didn't think he'd ever felt this strongly about anyone, ever _needed _anyone so badly, ever wanted to give himself up so fully... He looked around the bathroom. No windows, but it was much nicer than he'd imagined. Kate's place was bare, but not ugly. Her bathroom was surprisingly, shockingly human. Just like any girl. He opened her cabinet; it was full of cosmetics, perfume, make up, toothpaste... She had a purple toothbrush. And towels. The toilet was sparkling clean. He realised it would be – she never needed to use it. Her towels were used, though. She had cherry body wash and lavender hand soap. There was no toilet paper. He chuckled.

The bathroom made him feel a lot better. He liked the look of the shower – it was over the bath, but it looked nice. Rick appreciated nice showers. He knew Kate did too. Although they should probably try not to make so much of a mess-

There was a tap on the door. Kate hadn't been able to help herself – her acute sense of hearing told her Rick wasn't doing anything. He was just standing there, walking around a bit.

"You okay?" she asked nervously. He unlocked the door and opened it.

"Are you?" he asked, smiling at her. Kate looked at him without blinking.

"You're the one hiding in the bathroom," she said, narrowing her eyes.

"I wasn't hiding, I was thinking."

"What were you thinking?"

"That I like your shower."

"I like it too."

"And I know why you smell like cherries."

"It's not that hard to figure out."

"I'd thought it was another supernatural magic thing."

"Your imagination's too good for your own good."

"Maybe I just like magic."

"I like things which aren't magic. They make a nice change."

"Like showers. And cherry bodywash."

"Exactly."

"I like showers and cherry bodywash too."

"You said."

"You don't have any toilet paper."

Kate seemed surprised. "Shit. Sorry. Do you need some?"

"No. But it's funny that you don't have any. Why do you even have a toilet?"

"You can't rent a place without a toilet. I don't have an oven, though."

"Can you cook?"

"I never need to cook."

"But can you?"

"I used to cook with my... I used to cook with my Mom. When I was human. Why do you care? You want me to cook for you, Castle?"

Rick chuckled. "I'm good for now. Maybe another time. You can cook at my house."

They were still standing in the bathroom doorway.

"Either you're going to come out of there," Kate said softly, "or I'm coming in."

Rick stepped right up to her, but they still didn't touch. He looked down; Kate had balled her hands into fists.

"I can almost hear your heart racing," he whispered.

"My heart doesn't beat," Kate whispered back.

"I know. That's why it's so strange."

"I can hear yours. I love hearing yours."

"Maybe it's just my own I can hear."

"No. I can almost feel mine racing too," Kate murmured, tilting her head back, pushing up on the balls of her feet so her mouth rose to meet Rick's. His lips were warm and soft; she could feel his pulse in them, and she really almost felt her own beating in time with his. Even though she didn't have one. It hurt, it hurt so much that she wasn't human, that she didn't feel the way he did, that she wasn't the same as him, but the pain was beautiful, so powerful, because she cared. She cared about it, she cared about him, and she felt-

She let out a sound that was something like a wounded sob. Rick gripped her arms and pushed her away from him. Her cheeks burned, her eyes prickled as if with tears. She wanted to scream, her face was contorted in anguish.

"What?" he asked softly.

"I want to be human," she said, forcing her voice to be steady. "I want to be alive."

Rick walked her through the apartment, slowly, saying nothing, not breaking eye contact, not doing anything. Kate couldn't read his expression, but she became so absorbed in it she had to be calm. She stepped in time with him, not knowing where he was taking her until the backs of her knees touched the bed. He didn't push her down, just looked at her, still not letting her go.

"You might not be human," he muttered, "but you're alive. You're so alive."

He slid off her shirt and unfastened her bra in a swift, practised movement which had it on the floor in seconds. He brushed his fingers across her chest and her nipples puckered at his touch. Kate watched him touch her; he watched her watch. He trailed a finger down her stomach; she trembled, goose pimples appearing on her skin.

"I can feel your heart," he said, and he wasn't talking about a muscle.

"I can feel it too," she said. He unzipped her jeans and pulled them off her, her panties too. She stepped out of them, looking down herself at him. She was wearing nothing now, and she waited. She didn't want to say anything, it might break the spell, the spell he had over her. She might be the impossible one, the supernatural one, but tonight, he was the one with the magic.

Her bed was soft. She didn't usually notice. She wasn't often conscious when she was in it. He pushed her knees apart. He pushed. She did nothing. Because with him she was safe, she was weak, she was soft, like the bed, and she was soft, like him. His hand slid up from her knee, along her inner thigh. Her back arched, she took a deep breath in and smelled her own arousal mingled with his scent, rich and powerful. Her fangs popped out; she groaned and her eyes rolled back in her head as he kissed her abdomen. She looked down at him; he gripped her ass with one hand and pushed one of her legs out wider with the other.

_Fuck_... It wasn't even a word when she said it, when she said it as his tongue brushed across her centre. He could actually stop it, he could actually stop her brain, he could make it fuzzy and bright, like a crazy firework display. She couldn't concentrate on anything but him, she didn't even know exactly what he was doing, all she knew was she never wanted it to stop, because as she would realise afterwards, when she was with him she actually forgot. She forgot all the pain, all the suffering, all the hatred and hunger inside her which never seemed to fade.

She forgot that she thought she was a monster. She forgot that she thought she was dead. She forgot that her heart didn't beat, she forgot that she would never grow old, she forgot that she would never bear his child, she forgot that she could fly because she had no need of flying. She forgot everything that was wrong. And she remembered... she remembered what it was like to...

"Your turn," she whispered.

"I don't need a turn," he said, lying beside her.

"I want you to have a turn," she said. She undid his shirt, kissing him so gently, more gently than she'd known she could.

All his clothes joined hers on the floor. Her kisses moved lower, and it took more concentration than she'd known she had, but she retracted her fangs. Couldn't be too careful. He shuddered with pleasure; she hoped his eyes were open. She could feel him gripping the sheets; it was going quickly but he had been hard from just touching her.

"You don't have to-"

She stopped him speaking with a gentle push of his hand on her chest and a tightening of her lips. She breathed in deeply through her nose, so close to him his scent was like a drug. She swallowed, focusing on her fangs, feeling them _pushing_, the salty taste so...

"It's almost as good as blood," she told him when his stream of curse words mingled with her name ended. He raised his eyebrows, despite his relative stupor.

"I find that... hard to believe."

"What about me is easy to believe?"

"Touché..."

Kate's fangs were out now. She hadn't been able to hold them back without the threat of hurting him. She licked her lips, then sighed.

"You sigh too much. What is it?"

She got out of bed. "I'm thirsty," she admitted.

"So where are you going?"

"To get a drink."

"Am I not good enough?"

"Castle, I..." she trailed off.

"Firstly, I love it when you call me Castle. Secondly, what?"

"When you were... When you touch me, I feel so good, so wonderful... The closest to human I've ever felt. If I... _feed on you_," she said the phrase with disgust, "I'll lose that."

Rick sat up and motioned for her to come back and sit beside him. He put his arm around her and held her close. Then he lifted her head to his neck.

"Don't deny yourself, Kate. You can't help what you are. And I wouldn't want you any other way."

"But wouldn't you like it better if I-"

He put a finger to her lips. "Stop being like the bloody Twilight vampires. No pun intended. You are not going to kill me. You won't even hurt me. I _like _it. What I don't like is you hating yourself. I know it's more complicated than me telling you not to, I know it's hard and I know there's so much you've had to go through, it must have messed with your head. But you're amazingly strong, and I know you can beat it. You can embrace this life and make something with it, you can be more than you could ever have been human. You have so much. I know you've lost things, too. But why not be an optimist?"

Kate laughed. It was something about the way he said optimist.

"Plus, I'll be so offended if you have some stranger's blood... I want you to have mine. I want you to like mine best."

Kate rolled her eyes. "I do like yours best."

"So what are you waiting for? You're never going to be human again. Why waste your time wishing for it?"

Kate leaned her forehead on his shoulder.

"What did I do to deserve you?"

"Now this is how I like to hear that phrase."

"I'm serious."

"Dead serious?"

"Shut up."

"Too soon?" he asked, but she was laughing. She still hadn't moved her head, though. He stroked her hair.

"I wish I could cry," she said quietly; her laughter had died away.

He didn't say anything. He just stroked her hair and back. He rested his hand between her shoulder blades.

"Go on," he said gently. "It's okay. Please. It's okay."

Kate bit into his neck. He made a tiny sound of pain, but it stopped hurting almost straight away. She ran her hand over his chest, caressing his skin, so the whole thing turned into something soothing. When she stopped, she pierced her finger with a fang and carefully closed the two small wounds on his neck with her blood. But she didn't look up at him.

Rick watched her turn away and go to the bathroom. He heard the door click behind her, but she didn't lock it. Since he'd had her blood, his senses had seemed a lot sharper than before. Maybe it was just his imagination.

He heard the shower running. That was when he got up and went after her.

Kate heard him come in and turned down the water temperature to something that wouldn't scald his human skin. He stepped over the side of the bath and behind the curtain, then put his arms around her.

"Come back to bed," he whispered. "You don't need a shower."

Kate leaned against him, feeling more guilty than she could put into words.

"I feel so bad..." she whispered finally. Rick turned off the shower and got out, then pulled her out and into his arms.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Not letting you feel bad," he said, carrying her back to the bedroom and depositing her on the bed.

"But I'm wet," she protested. He grinned.

"Isn't that a good thing?" he asked, putting his head to one side.

"Are you ever not happy?" she asked, but she was smiling too.

"You're smiling," he observed, ignoring her question.

"I'm annoyingly susceptible to bad jokes."

"I'm glad to hear it."

Kate had thought that in romance novels when it said they made love until dawn they were being poetic and unrealistic. But that night she realised Rick's stamina went far further than his optimistic disposition.

She could feel the day coming. Rick could tell she was thinking about it.

"You're going to have had enough before me," he teased. "Not that I'm not impressed. You're insatiable."

"It's different with you. It's... happy."

"Happy?" he asked, a little surprised.

"I mean, it's not just happy, it's hot and everything too, but you make me smile. It's warm and fun and you make me laugh. I forgot how much fun it was to laugh."

"I think you _really _need to have more fun, then."

"I think I'd like that, if I can have it with you."

"I'd like that too."

"Will you... Look, you don't have to, I..."

"I'll be here when you wake up, Kate. I promise."

Rick watched as she fell against the bed, her eyes closed, her body cold and still. She didn't breathe, she didn't move. She was... dead. Her arm was still around him, though, and she was warmer than she would have been, she wasn't dead cold, and after feeding her skin got a slightly pinker tinge. He held her close and closed his own eyes. It didn't take long before he gave in to sleep.

He didn't wake up until almost dusk, but when he did he was starving hungry. He called for some Chinese food and went to have a shower. Kate didn't sweat, exertion seemed to do nothing to her. But he _really _needed a wash. He used her shower things, then nipped out to buy some toilet paper. He got back just as his food arrived.

After eating and a quick call to Alexis, he brushed his teeth (with her purple toothbrush), undressed again, and got back into bed. He closed his eyes... And woke up to Kate tracing her fingers around his face.

"You smell like cherries," she said. "And your hair is damp."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I've been in bed with you the whole time."

"I know you haven't. But I feel as if I could feel you beside me."

"Who's to say you couldn't?"

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A/N: Thanks for reading, please review, I'm not entirely sure about some of the stuff in this and how much you want to know ref Kate's angsty feelings so please let me know – I can make less or more of it as you wish. And thanks for all the positive feedback on the Kate/Alexis stuff in the last chapter. Love you all xxx


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Again, my apologies for the huge gap between updates. I'm writing a novel, I'm a full time student, and now I have a social life too. And Grey's Anatomy... Thanks so much for sticking with me, I love you all very much, and please review if you have time! X

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**Chapter 17**

"_I know you haven't. But I feel as if I could feel you beside me."_

"_Who's to say you couldn't?"_

Kate rolled her eyes.

"Don't be stupid."

"I'm not being stupid. Just because you seem, well-"

"Dead."

"Yeah, well, just because you seem that way doesn't mean you actually are. I mean, I have conclusive proof to the contrary. You're alive now."

"But during the day-"

"Look, Kate, I'm not going to pretend I know how it works, but there's a kind of magic keeping everyone alive. Your magic's just different. And there's nothing to say you can't feel things while you're asleep."

Kate leaned against the headboard. "Fine. Maybe I can. Know what?"

"What?"

"I want to feel things now, too."

Rick raised his eyebrows. Kate rolled her eyes at him.

"I didn't actually mean those kinds of things."

"But now you're thinking about it you can't help wanting them. And all I did was raise my eyebrows, so it was you that thought of them too."

Kate made a face. "I don't like it when you tease me," she lied. Rick leaned his head on her shoulder, pretending to be submissive.

"Sorry, boss."

Kate got up off the bed, forgetting how quick she would seem to Rick, who sort of fell down onto the pillows.

"I'm surprised by how comfy your bed is," he said, putting himself to rights again. "I guess you don't need it to be soft..?"

"No. I just... When I got it, I wanted everything to be normal. There was no point paying for a place with a kitchen – I mean, it's so hard for me to get work and I don't like stealing which seems to be what I was supposed to do, but even though I didn't have money I didn't want-" she stopped suddenly. "Why am I telling you all this?" she asked Rick, as if he would know.

"I'm not sure, but I like it. Please keep going."

"You're going to know more about me than I do."

Rick smiled. "I think a lot of people don't know themselves as well as perhaps they ought to."

Kate thought about this for a while, standing beside the bed and looking down at Rick, who unlike most people she had ever met, could actually hold her gaze.

"I need a shower," she said eventually.

"May I join you?" Rick asked. Kate considered it.

"Better not," she said regretfully. "I think we should do something tonight. And you should go home to see your daughter. So I should be quick."

"Oh, I should go home, should I? How do you know I haven't been?"

"I'd be able to smell it," Kate confessed.

"Seriously? You can smell where I've been?"

"The scent of people... I can tell who people are from what they smell like. Like dogs, I guess. If you'd been to see your daughter I would be able to smell her on you – and I'd even be able to smell if you'd been back to your apartment, unless you'd showered when you got back here."

"That's... Really weird," Rick said. "But cool," he added, an afterthought, but a nice one. Kate smiled.

"It is weird. But I actually agree with you. It's kind of fun, the heightened senses thing."

"Especially because it's all your senses that are heightened," Rick agreed. Kate chuckled.

"I hadn't actually had much experience of that before I met you. But yes, you're absolutely right."

She headed for the bathroom, but Rick's curiosity and surprise made him follow her.

"You hadn't had much experience...? Seriously?"

"Isn't asking me about that a bit forward?" Kate asked, dropping her oversized t-shirt on the bathroom floor and turning on the shower.

"I'm sorry," Rick said, slightly embarrassed, but not enough to stop him. "It's just... an amazing, gorgeous girl like you? You're really not... I mean you seem very..."

Kate let him stammer away for a little longer before rescuing him.

"I've had enough experience. I know what to do. And I have very good instincts. But since I... started my new life, I haven't been with very many people. And only two men."

She got into the shower as Rick gaped at the implication that she might have been with women. He didn't try to follow her in, respecting her earlier edict, and left the room, making up the bed and finding a book to read (she had lots) as she finished showering.

Kate came out of the bathroom wearing a towel and a grin.

"What are you so happy about?" he asked. Kate winked.

"Maybe I was picturing the women..."

Rick threw a pillow at her, which she caught easily and threw right back. It hit him, hard, in the face. He was lucky he'd only thrown a pillow.

"Remind me never to get in a fight with you," he said, rubbing his nose. Kate frowned apologetically.

"Perhaps I should practice using human strength. I thought I threw it pretty gently."

"Then you thought wrong," he said, but he was smiling. "Will you come with me, back to my place?"

"Are you sure you want me to?" Kate asked as she looked through her dresser for some clothes.

"Yes," Rick said firmly. "Alexis really likes you, you know."

Kate looked at him in surprise. "You think so?"

"I really do. Come on, you're great at reading people. You should see it."

"I think you're jumping ahead a little. I mean... I want her to like me, of course, but I can't be honest with her, and she's very protective of you, and very observant. She already knows there are things we aren't telling her."

"Yes, but she's smart enough to know that there are sometimes legitimate reasons for secrets. She'll cope."

Kate hoped this was the case. She didn't want to tell Rick, but she was actually rather worried by the whole situation. She'd never done anything remotely like this before. She'd never been in an actual relationship before, never done the meet the family thing. She wanted it to work, but she was wary too. Befriending any human put that human at risk; she would never fully trust herself, not with her mood swings and her insatiable thirst. Alexis, understandably, had a scent almost as delectable as her father's, and Kate did not want that to turn into an issue. While she had excellent self control, nobody was perfect... And then there were the more normal issues, about commitment and fitting into a family and finding it difficult to make friends; opening up to people when she was so emotionally unavailable most of the time.

Rick didn't push her to talk as she got dressed. He knew it was difficult for her, and things were moving very quickly. He liked living in the fast lane, he'd done it all his life, but he knew Kate had a lot of hang ups and he didn't want to rush her. He'd seen something, a spark, between her and Alexis and he'd liked it. He'd had several girlfriends in the past but nothing had ever worked out with his daughter. Either Alexis hadn't liked the girl or the girl hadn't liked her, or he hadn't liked the way they were together. He was incredibly protective of his daughter... In a way it was strange that the girl he most wanted to get on with Alexis was the girl who could potentially be a real danger to her. He knew it, in his mind he knew it, but somehow he just couldn't accept that Kate would ever hurt him or anyone he loved. He couldn't really accept that she would ever hurt anyone, even though she had pretty much told him that she had.

He wondered if she had killed. Perhaps it had showed in his expression, because suddenly she was staring at him.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked. She was dressed now. She dressed well, she dressed her age. She still looked young, but at least she didn't look immature. Her jeans and blouse were so ordinary, she could have been anyone. A beautiful woman, of course, so noticeable, but not drastically noticeable. She could walk into a bar or along a street and no one would ever know what she was or what she could do. Rick found it wonderful. Kate found it terrifying.

"I was thinking about you," Rick said slowly. It wasn't really a lie.

"What, exactly, were you thinking about me?"

Something in her eyes forced him to tell the truth. It wasn't quite hypnosis, but it wasn't all that far from it.

"I... I was wondering if you'd ever killed anyone. And I thought you must have. And I was wondering how it felt."

"_Do it, Katie. Do it NOW."_

_The compulsion was so strong but she still tried to fight it, she still tried to cling to her non existent humanity. She had realised a few minutes ago that she could not escape, that he would force her to do it. The only thing she had left was her utter hatred of it... And even that was difficult. _

_The woman smelled so _good_. Delicious, so delicious, and she was so, so thirsty. She hadn't been eating, and she supposed this was her punishment. But he wanted her to enjoy it, she thought. And he wanted her to get used to it, because he wanted her to survive. His mind was so twisted, so wicked and complicated and confusing... She didn't think she would ever understand his motivations. She didn't think she wanted to. _

_She despised him. She gripped the shoulders of her poor, hypnotised victim. He had allowed her this, he had allowed her to take the pain away, but she had a feeling he wouldn't, next time. He was easing her in, but he would torture her more and more, and she had shown him all of her weaknesses. She let him hurt her, because she was so weak. She was pathetic, she couldn't fight him, and now she was so close she was even beginning to like what she was about to do. Her tongue tingled in anticipation and her last little bit of resistance drifted away. _

_She opened her mouth and sank her teeth into the woman's neck. Nameless. She didn't want to know the name... She felt the pulse weaken and finally stop. Her head thrummed with satisfaction and confusion and numbness as he congratulated her. They disposed of the body, first burning it, carefully, and then throwing the ashes into the Hudson. No one would ever know what had happened to her, no one but them. _

_Her face burned in Kate's mind for days, weeks, months... She found a poster with the same face, a 'missing' poster, with a telephone number. Kate used the number to find the address, and spent night after night watching the miserable man and miserable child, CHILD, in the small, neat house. She never spoke to them. She had planned to, but he had forbidden her to. The worst part was, she knew this was not the only time. She would kill again._

_But no. The _worst _part was that a part of her was looking forward to it._

"You don't want to know," Kate told Rick firmly, and the pain in her eyes told him not to push her further.

"What else is there that I don't want to know about you?" he asked.

"I suppose there are quite a lot of things," she said slowly. "Do you... I mean..."

"I think I'll have to talk about them with you some day," he said. "But I don't have to today."

In a way they both knew this wasn't really an answer. It was postponing the inevitable, the inevitable pain and discomfort and fear... Kate was almost certain that Rick would run a mile, or a thousand miles, if he knew the truth about her, the whole truth. She hoped she would be able to stop herself from chasing him. Rick was equally certain that no matter how hard it was, he would cope with anything Kate revealed about herself, because there was nothing she could have done that would make him hate her. He felt as if he had seen into her soul, and what he had seen was good.

Kate locked herself in the bathroom again before they left. She needed a minute... It had been years since she had killed, but she would be a murderer for the rest of her life, even if she lived for eternity. Maybe she should end it now, scare him away to keep him safe. She was already attached, but she could break things off now and she would be able to stay away.

She unlocked the door and went out to see Rick waiting uncertainly in the main room.

"Don't," he said to her, as if he was finishing something he'd been saying in his head.

"Don't what?"

"Don't leave. You might think it would be better but it wouldn't. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me and you are good, Kate Beckett, and I can help you, too."

She had never been going to leave, anyway. She couldn't. It was too late, and she had suffered too much. She was selfish and evil and a monster, like a leech, draining him of his happiness (and his blood), but she had to stay. He said he wanted her too. If he wanted it, how could she leave?

She wondered when her life had become this dark and twisted story. She wondered how she could be living this but still be her, still feel like herself. But it was the feeling like herself which meant she could stay. He made her feel so alive, so real, so _human_, that she could almost believe that he could change her, that he could make things right. Perhaps there was a chance, perhaps all hope wasn't lost. Maybe the future didn't have to be bleak and dark and full of pain...

She had sworn, for ten years, that as soon as Bracken released her, she would end her sorry existence. She had been looking forward to it. She almost hated Rick for screwing it all up. She had wanted to die, it had all been fixed, it had all been going to be over. And then he had come into her life and given her possibly the worst possible thing.

He had given her a reason to live.


End file.
